Tag: Mental health

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Depression series: Melancholy or Why does my heart feel so bad?

It’s only one line, but Moby made it into a whole song and if you’re an Empath, you might well feel that sense of depression when you watch the video.

For me, when I first saw this back in the year 2000, it brought out the pain of loneliness and a melancholy so profound that it was irresistible as it was seductive.

At the time, death was calling to me, and I felt it, and at some level, I knew it. And while that is a subject for a future blog, at the time, I felt the sweet surrender of despair and while hope remained eternal, I knew things were coming to an end.

And they did in some ways.

Empaths, especially psychic ones, can sense the future. They can sense when something is going to happen. There are many stories of how psychics couldn’t shake the feeling of doom weeks before 9/11, and I wonder how many picked up the coming tragedy of the Boston Marathon Bombings.

This is a different kind of depression to the other kinds. Make no mistake, it’s as potent as any other type, but this one also has a sense of fatalism that can’t be avoided.

You know something is going to happen. You don’t understand what, but it’s there. And your heart, and your soul is heavy and hurting. Your eyes are on the verge of tears, but there is no apparent reason, and all you want to do is curl up in a corner, and hide away.

I know when I finally move on from this life, my biggest regret is leaving those who do love me.

I know they will be fine, but the sense of loss is always there. For the most part, that’s what holds me here in this current lfe.

When a coming event changes life, the Empath will feel it, and they will mourn its passing, even though it has yet to occur.  Change is never easy, but it’s made harder when it hasn’t even happened yet.

Melancholy is a horrible form of depression to experience. More people experience it than you would suspect.

If you experience it, keep a diary, and compare it to major events that happen later. You might be surprised at the results.

Bach Flower Remedies that can help with this are:

Sweet Chestnut – when change is foisted upon you.

Star of Bethlehem – for Shock and trauma.

Aspen – For vague fear and anxiety.

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Depression Series – Anti-depressants or how depressing, they’re screwing me up.

Anneli Rufus

Anti-depressants

It’s fortunate that depression is finally recognized as a real problem.

There are help lines out there, organizations (Where I live, there is one called Beyond Blue, which is a wonderful initiative) and they are developing drugs to help us cope.

Medical treatment is still in the early stages, though, in my opinion, but at least they are doing something.

That being said, I have tried anti-depressants. I was going through a terrible time, and my partner at the time suggested I see a doctor. He prescribed them to me. I tried several types, but found they did not work for me.

What I found was that it seemed to cut me off from my empathy, and I felt like I was walking around in a vacuum. I also found that it has a negative effect on my moods and certainly didn’t like my body. It was a very unpleasant experience.

I know that anti-depressants certainly help people, but I suspect that many empaths are not doing themselves any favours by taking them.

They mask the symptoms, not heal the causes.

If you are on anti-depressants, do not go off them without medical advice. It can harm you.

As mentioned, I believe that the Bach Flower Remedies would help many with dealing with depression. Personally, I know I’d be a basket case many times over without them. For those who are interested, I will start blogging about them, and all the ways they can be used to help heal depression soon.

The remedies do work well with any other type of treatment, and this is because they don’t work on a physical level, so they are not like homeopaths, drugs, aromatherapy, and the like, each of which has their own particular set of dangers.

That being said, if you wish to try the Bach Flower Remedies, it’s important to note that they are preserved in alcohol. While the remedy itself is completely safe to take, and does not work on a physical level, some people cannot tolerate alcohol.

There are some solutions to this:

You can dilute the remedies into a dropper bottle of water, and then put 4 drops into a glass of water. The alcoholic content is said to be too small to measure.

You can rub the remedies on your wrist or temples or other pressure points. That does seem to work. My partner responds amazingly well, and she’s sensitive to alcohol.

You can try making your own remedies. There are books on that subject.

I understand that the Bach Centre is making non-alcoholic versions of the remedies. Most certainly they have put out Rescue Remedy in different forms now.

If anti-depressants are working for you, then this is a good thing. I just have spoken to too many for whom they do not work for, and they are in an even bigger mess.

Whatever you do, make sure you know exactly what you are doing. Find out as much about them as you can. This is your body and your quality of life you are dealing with.

Depression is an epidemic and not understood enough yet. But it can be cured. I’m living proof of that. (And others I’ve treated, too.)

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Depression Series: – Exhaustion or I’m too tired to read this right now.

Many depressed people have more than just depression going on with them. They also suffer from exhaustion.

I’m not talking about the kind of gosh-I’ve-been-up-all-night-and-I-really-need-to-get-some-rest type of exhaustion, I’m taking about long term, utter weariness, where everything is a struggle and just getting up and facing a new day is a challenge that is almost insurmountable.

This weariness saps our strength, our internal fortitude, and our resolve to get a move on. Worse, it adds to the depression because it means when we have to deal with things, we don’t have the energy to do so.

Exhaustion is that will make you collapse on in on yourself.

It also triggers the self-recrimination, victim process, and you become very hard, and self-depreciating. You may well blame yourself for all the things you can’t do because you’re tired, and feel that you need to go to extremes in your behavior to change things.

All the while, you know, in the very back of your mind, that you’re in a victim / poor me cycle, and you’re hoping others will notice your extreme behavior and understand that you are pushed way past your limits, and probably can’t take much more before you implode.

This is a very, very serious state to be in, and rest and renewing energies are what is needed. Unfortunately, for some, even proper sleep is a luxury rather than something that just happens.

Those with sleep disorders will be quite prone to this type of depression.

Depression is a drain on the soul, and that leads to the exhaustion people feel.

Exhaustion leads to greater depression, which in turn causes even more drain on the soul.

You can see it’s a vicious circle and one that is very hard to break out of because many other emotions tend to kick in extreme, almost undefinable levels, such as guilt, terror, panic, and the feeling of being a victim.

We are so screwed up as a society that we would rather people repress their emotions and not bother anyone than seek to heal the causes that produce such things.

This has to change.

This will change.

Even if we do it one person at a time.

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Depression Series – You’ve done great! So why do you feel so down about it?

The pressure of success

You’ve done well. People love you, and some even hate you (which probably means you’re doing something right.)

So why do you feel so depressed? Why do you have a sense of anxiety and foreboding that something bad is going to happen?

The trouble with success, and more importantly, reputation, is that they are hard to live up to.

People see what you have done, and what you have said. They see how you have reacted, and admired your calmness within the storm.

But now you feel they expect it from you all the time.  You can’t have a bad day because that’s not supposed to be you. If you get angry over something, you get admonished for doing so, in spite of the fact others (especially those telling you off) are doing the exact same thing. The hypocrisy can be frustrating.

Once you’ve set a certain standard, the pressure is on to not only maintain it, but improve it.

But you know that’s just not feasible. Somewhere along the line, you are going to fail, let everyone down and they might decide that you were deceiving them all along.

We you being fake? We you pulling the wool over other’s eyes? Did you go out of your way to deceive anyone?

No.

However, there is much more to you than this one aspect. You are not just a one dimensional Mary Sue type person.

You have your own fears, doubts, bad days and down cycles.

That’s what makes you feel so down and anxious. You don’t feel you can be yourself on those levels, and not have all hell break loose.

Moments of brilliance are sometimes more the exception than the rule, and when you fail to deliver, your followers descend on you like sharks in a feeding frenzy over bloodied meat.

They may accuse you of being lazy, selling out, ripping off those following. They will accuse you of motives that you never in your wildest dreams imagined.

But is it so? In most cases: no.

It’s not possible to be perfect all the time. You can’t give everyone what they want all of the time.

This is a very severe type of depression, because it is insidious, and you won’t even know why you are feeling the way you are, just that you are feeling it.

Taoism states: After great success, retire.

There is great wisdom in those words, though how practical they are to apply is another matter.

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Depression – You just can’t get over it but you certainly can be over it.

Depression is really is a major problem for so many. You don’t have to be an empath to suffer from it, but it certainly doesn’t help you if you are one.

The problem is that unless you have experienced  depression, it’s hard to understand what it’s like.

The other problem is that it’s not a one shoe fits all type thing. There are so many different forms and types of depression that it makes it hard to identify just exactly why you are feeling down, and what to do about it.

Talking is a good start, but unless the person you’re talking to doesn’t make it about themselves, then it may not be very useful.

The hardest part of being depressed is that you’re in a state of flux, where you feel like you don’t want to be here, yet unable to look at the reasons why.

There may be many reasons why that is, but often it comes down to finding out something that you afraid to find out about yourself, or remembering an incident that you can’t bear to face again.

For whatever reason, the pain and isolation is traumatic, and depression actually creates more depression, especially as you start to feel that you are being a burden to others, and you feel bad, or guilty about it.

There is also an odd phenomenon where someone who is depressed will sometimes make things worse by avoiding all forms of help and suggestion.

They go into a poor me / self-pity mode.

Typically this will take the form of:

–          Nobody cares

–          I don’t see what difference that will make.

–          You can’t help me or give me what I need.

–          You can’t understand the pain I’m going through.

–          I want to hurt me, by hurting you, and if possible, push you away so I can feel even more wretched.

So, you may say, well, why doesn’t the depressed person just stop doing this? But it’s not that easy. Once you are on this downward spiral, you almost become seduced into going further and further down, all the while thinking that the world would be better off with you.

So much more to say on this topic, and I will do so, but those who are depressed, take heart. Know that you are not alone. Know that there are those who understand what you are going through, and know that there are things out there that can actually help you without harming you.

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Depression series – Empaths and concern for others or Why didn’t you call?

Over-concern for others.

Check-list

  • You worry about others
  • You feel bad about when others try and fail.
  • We feel anxiety when others don’t come home when expected. 

Empaths often get depressed in regards to other people. 

It might be for the person who has gone to buy a special present for someone, only to have gotten it very wrong, due to lack of knowledge. You may feel bad for them because you feel all the effort they put into it has gone to waste.  You wish things had worked out for them with all that work, and it makes you feel, sad, bad and terribly depressed.

Perhaps you might be worried about a friend or a loved one in regards to how life is going for them, or if they are doing well or not.

If we fear something is wrong with them, we, ourselves, may feel anxious, and will not be able to rest until we are reassured that all is well. We tend to experience that awful sinking feeling of anxiety in the pit of our stomach until we hear some news that reassures us.

This is especially true for empaths with children who are out late or their partner has not returned at the normal time. We immediately imagine the worst and fear that something terrible has happened.

It’s hard to disassociate ourselves from the fear to check on your feelings, as we are too attached to the outcome, and that colours what we are feeling.

Intuition works well, but if it’s tainted by our fears, it can make us feel things which aren’t true. It’s hard to step back and be objective in these kind of situations as we tend to have too much of our own selves invested in our relationships.

For some empaths, they often don’t feel good unless others are feeling good. If they are having a rough time, we will put our own happiness on hold until they are doing better.

This is not healthy as it not only hurt you, but actually makes things worse for those you are concerned about. Not only do they have to deal with their own problems, but they also have to take you into account, putting pressure on them.

I know, from personal experience, that I can’t have a bad day without everyone around me going into melt down over it. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I just want to work through things, and not have to go into damage control because of it. Sometimes I just want to have a bad day and work through my feelings.

People have bad days. People need bad days. They need those times to let out their frustration. Or maybe they just aren’t feeling well. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, it’s important to give them space to be, and show that they are supported, without making it into something it isn’t.

Of course, being empaths, we can’t help but care.

I would suggest that the key to dealing with this is to understand that the other person does know exactly what they are doing on a soul level. Everything is as it should be; even those really crappy events that seem to crop up in one’s life. If you can know and accept this, and know it in your heart, then you can let go of the fear, and understand that they are living their life as needed.

Bach Flower Remedy: 

Red Chestnut.