Depression is really is a major problem for so many. You don’t have to be an empath to suffer from it, but it certainly doesn’t help you if you are one.
The problem is that unless you have experienced depression, it’s hard to understand what it’s like.
The other problem is that it’s not a one shoe fits all type thing. There are so many different forms and types of depression that it makes it hard to identify just exactly why you are feeling down, and what to do about it.
Talking is a good start, but unless the person you’re talking to doesn’t make it about themselves, then it may not be very useful.
The hardest part of being depressed is that you’re in a state of flux, where you feel like you don’t want to be here, yet unable to look at the reasons why.
There may be many reasons why that is, but often it comes down to finding out something that you afraid to find out about yourself, or remembering an incident that you can’t bear to face again.
For whatever reason, the pain and isolation is traumatic, and depression actually creates more depression, especially as you start to feel that you are being a burden to others, and you feel bad, or guilty about it.
There is also an odd phenomenon where someone who is depressed will sometimes make things worse by avoiding all forms of help and suggestion.
They go into a poor me / self-pity mode.
Typically this will take the form of:
– Nobody cares
– I don’t see what difference that will make.
– You can’t help me or give me what I need.
– You can’t understand the pain I’m going through.
– I want to hurt me, by hurting you, and if possible, push you away so I can feel even more wretched.
So, you may say, well, why doesn’t the depressed person just stop doing this? But it’s not that easy. Once you are on this downward spiral, you almost become seduced into going further and further down, all the while thinking that the world would be better off with you.
So much more to say on this topic, and I will do so, but those who are depressed, take heart. Know that you are not alone. Know that there are those who understand what you are going through, and know that there are things out there that can actually help you without harming you.
Great post. People really don’t understand why those suffering from depression can’t just stop bringing themselves down by pushing others away and saying that nobody cares and etc. It is a sickness, and sometimes even the depressed person can’t even understand why they say that stuff.
Excellent insight. Really, really good points. I had this happening today, the shame of being depressed and not wanting to ask for help because of it. I want to make this post of yours my go-to FAQ for people who don’t get it.
Especially good point about how trying to help a depressed person doesn’t help if the person helping makes it about themselves. My son taught me that.
Thank you. If it helps someone else, then by all means go ahead.
As one who has depression once I realized that it was cunning, baffling and powerful, I let go of trying to stop it and embraced it for what it is. Campbell says “If you are falling, dive.” I have been relieved of almost all the things the “outside” world had to offer. In their place, I have been given an insight to me. Actually a revisit to me.
Thanks for the words of support for those of us who are aware enough to know that we are sick, but afraid and ashamed enough still to think that we caused it.
You’re welcome. Depression is such a serious problem that there needs to be a greater awareness of it. Personally, I think I’ve experienced just about every type of depression. I think it was so I could understand it, find how to deal with it, and pass those experiences on so others may benefit.
With all due respect, were you molested by your mother when you were 2, were you abused by your father when you were 4, were you beaten by a babysitter when your parents were at church, did your father hit you with a screwdriver at a Sunday dinner in front of all of your extended family. I dont think anyone can understand all forms of depression, because none of us have the same histories. I think that is why we cant buttonhole treatment any more than they try to already. It is individual. My doctor tried 4 different meds. This dis-ease is an emotional one and western pharmacology cant treat it effectively.
No, I can’t say I was abused in that way. However, it’s also fair to say that this falls under the category of childhood trauma (and if what you experienced isn’t traumatic, then I don’t know what is.) The experiences will be very different, but the resulting depression will certainly have similar results.
The key is to treat the cause rather than the symptom.
Anti-depressants are more hit in miss in my observation, but I have had consistently good results with the Bach Flower Remedies. They seem to work when all else fails.
My boyfriend gets depressed and only effexor works for him. He won’t use the bach flowers because he doesn’t believe in them and feels offended by them. I tried using mustard once to help lift my mood, I had such apathy, but ended up on the medication as I just wasn’t getting anything done. I was very disconnected from myself and just been through a bit of a shock. I’m thinking now I probably didn’t use the right flowers.
I think healing from depression may be a bit of a multi layered journey. People (myself included) get upset when an alternative method doesn’t work for them. Ie- hypnosis, kinesiology, st johns wort. Then the method is taught to be ineffective and the people doing it are then called quacks or weirdos. I don’t think they are, maybe it’s just finding a person you can take a little bit of insight from at that point and that counts as a stepping stone.
I’m still on antidepressants but don’t find them very satisfying. I’m getting annoyed by the fact they make me feel so comfortable that I don’t want to change anything in my life. I’m usually a happy go lucky person though and don’t think I’ve really struggled with a deep ongoing depression. I usually am cheerful.
My mother has always taught me there is a healer for everyone in their lives. At uni we try to live up to the ideal of “healing thyself”. None the less I had no idea how to help my boyfriend when he was struggling with his mood.
I don’t really understand depression and this post has been helpful talking about the different types. I don’t know if I feel depressed. I just feel so tired with the mundane and frustrated at my lack of life skills in making life better(I’m just 24 though). Apathy, disappointment and futility oscillating with moments of bliss and cheerfulness alas not really moving past those negative feelings.
I do wish for everyone to find their way to heal.
Mustard is only useful if the area you are in is full of negative, draining energy. Apathy is helped enormously by the remedy, Wild Rose. For shock, Star of Bethlehem, and it must be taken alone, as in not mixed with other remedies.
Yes, it is a multi-layered journey. And even healing can be traumatic. As it goes, the Bach Flowers are the only thing I recommend, as they are safe, non addictive, and Ive seen miraculous results with them on too many people to dismiss as just a placebo. Problem is, if you take the ones you dont need, then you will not feel any difference. Its like replacing a working fuse with a working fuse to fix a blown out one. It doesnt work, but you cant really blame the living fuse for that.