Category: Depression

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Depression series – Empaths and the holidays or Where has my holiday cheer gone to?

Holiday depression

The holiday season is very hard on empaths. This is especially true for the Christmas and new year period, where everyone feels they should be with family, out celebrating and just having a good time.

Problem is that so many people are alone. They feel like they are missing out on a party where everyone is invited but them. They feel as though they should be enjoying things, but they can’t because they have nowhere to go. No-one to turn to.

What should be a happy and blissful period becomes a wretched and miserable experience.

People get lost in the memories of the past, of better times, of loved ones lost and some view how it was with rose coloured glasses; remembering the good old days.

Multiply this by several thousand, and then by several thousand more, and you have an energy that knocks the empath for a loop during the holiday period.

They will pick up on this intense feeling of depression and hopelessness, and not know why. There will be a sense of loneliness and separation, even if they are with loved ones.

In the northern hemisphere, it’s even worse, as it is winter in many places, and the lack of sunlight contributes to depression.

Add to that the Solstices (either longest or shortest day of the year) which tends to have chaotic energies, you have a recipe for massive depression.

How do you heal such a thing? Not easily. You can’t go around to each person, and help them. Many have their pride, and many are stuck in their own dramas, and unwilling to shift.

I know, personally, I spent my fair share of birthdays, Christmases and birthdays alone. Once upon a time it used to bother me greatly, but I reached a point where I realized that it really didn’t matter. It just meant I got to do what I wanted to do, which works for me.

For the New Year, instead of feeling the need to go out and party, I’d use that as an opportunity to send positive energies to the world and hopefully help bolster it.

Perhaps that is all you can do for now. Have a group prayer. Send love and healing energies to those who need it, and know that it will reach those who need it, and are ready to receive it.

But be aware of the fact that it’s a miserable for many. This is very important. Otherwise, you will feel depressed and will have no idea why there is so much pain.

Bach Flower Remedies: 
Red Chestnut  – Concern for others
Walnut – Protection against external influences (link breaker)
Star of Bethlehem  – For shock / trauma

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Depression series – Empaths and concern for others or Why didn’t you call?

Over-concern for others.

Check-list

  • You worry about others
  • You feel bad about when others try and fail.
  • We feel anxiety when others don’t come home when expected. 

Empaths often get depressed in regards to other people. 

It might be for the person who has gone to buy a special present for someone, only to have gotten it very wrong, due to lack of knowledge. You may feel bad for them because you feel all the effort they put into it has gone to waste.  You wish things had worked out for them with all that work, and it makes you feel, sad, bad and terribly depressed.

Perhaps you might be worried about a friend or a loved one in regards to how life is going for them, or if they are doing well or not.

If we fear something is wrong with them, we, ourselves, may feel anxious, and will not be able to rest until we are reassured that all is well. We tend to experience that awful sinking feeling of anxiety in the pit of our stomach until we hear some news that reassures us.

This is especially true for empaths with children who are out late or their partner has not returned at the normal time. We immediately imagine the worst and fear that something terrible has happened.

It’s hard to disassociate ourselves from the fear to check on your feelings, as we are too attached to the outcome, and that colours what we are feeling.

Intuition works well, but if it’s tainted by our fears, it can make us feel things which aren’t true. It’s hard to step back and be objective in these kind of situations as we tend to have too much of our own selves invested in our relationships.

For some empaths, they often don’t feel good unless others are feeling good. If they are having a rough time, we will put our own happiness on hold until they are doing better.

This is not healthy as it not only hurt you, but actually makes things worse for those you are concerned about. Not only do they have to deal with their own problems, but they also have to take you into account, putting pressure on them.

I know, from personal experience, that I can’t have a bad day without everyone around me going into melt down over it. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I just want to work through things, and not have to go into damage control because of it. Sometimes I just want to have a bad day and work through my feelings.

People have bad days. People need bad days. They need those times to let out their frustration. Or maybe they just aren’t feeling well. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, it’s important to give them space to be, and show that they are supported, without making it into something it isn’t.

Of course, being empaths, we can’t help but care.

I would suggest that the key to dealing with this is to understand that the other person does know exactly what they are doing on a soul level. Everything is as it should be; even those really crappy events that seem to crop up in one’s life. If you can know and accept this, and know it in your heart, then you can let go of the fear, and understand that they are living their life as needed.

Bach Flower Remedy: 

Red Chestnut.

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Depression series – Empaths and the dark night of the soul or My world is falling apart and nobody even seems to notice.

The dark night of the soul.

Check list

  • You feel there is no hope. You’ve tried everything and nothing has worked.
  • There is no yesterday no tomorrow, just a desperate and empty now of desolation and anguish. 
  • The emotional pain is overwhelming.
  • You feel pushed way beyond your limits of endurance to the point of breaking. 
  • You feel all that you believe in is coming apart. 

The dark night of the soul, as it is called, is a very traumatic and severe type of depression.  It feels like your entire world is coming apart. Whatever hope you once held has been lost and all you can do it hang on for dear life, and try and survive.

No matter what you do, you are overwhelmed by waves of negativity, even when you are trying to be positive.

This is a terrible state of depression.  There are no obvious solutions and chances are those around you will not understand what you are feeling, because you can’t explain it to them. Some may even choose to take offence and make it about themselves.

I remember when I hit this stage. I found the people around me had varying reactions to me.

Many were oblivious that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. A couple asked me what was wrong and tried to help, but I truly felt there was no hope left, so they stopped trying after a couple of days. One took offense and made it a reason to have a vendetta against me, even long after the event passed.One chose to use this information against me when I confided in him.One first denied I was having any issues, and then used it was an opportunity to talk about themselves.

I had a mixed response to my dark night, but regardless, while I was in it, I didn’t feel anyone could help.

The dark night of the soul is something you can’t understand, not really, unless you’ve been through it.
But what is really going on? Why do we arrive at such a point?

What is happening is that this is our last, desperate attempt to hang onto a belief system that no longer serves us. One that has ceased to work for us for a while now, but we refuse to acknowledge it.

We hang on with all our might to what we believe should be, but really, we need to let go, and embrace a new line reality.
There are many old belief systems that might no longer be valid for us.

This could be in regards to a relationship that needs to end.

Maybe it’s time to change your lifestyle or belief system. In my particular case, I believed that I would never be loved, have a partner or find someone and I was destined to always be alone.

Today, such thoughts seem inane to me, but at the time it seemed like a very real concern. I felt I had tried everything, and everything had failed on all levels.
I was stuck in a set of beliefs that no longer were relevant to the direction I had to go. Until I was prepared to accept something greater, I would be unable to move on. However, I was so convinced I had worked it all out that I was no longer allowing growth to continue.

The dark night of the soul is actually a blessing in disguise. It heralds the start of new spiritual growth. Some say it is the doorway to true spiritual growth.
A new way. A new start. It means that it’s time to let the past go, and accept that there are things you do not know, and let new ideas come into your life.

It’s a purging. It’s a breaking of energies. And that’s what makes it so painful.

This was just before I was introduced to the Bach Flower Remedies, and so I had to get through this alone. When I finally emerged, I found that I had new hope, and things were shifting and my life was never going to be the same.

Remember, at its most extreme, Yin will become Yang (and visa versa). They say it is darkest before the dawn, and this is true.

If you are experiencing your own dark night, know that things will get better and it may herald a much greater and amazing journey.

Bach Flower Remedy:

Sweet Chestnut is the remedy for this state. It allows you to embrace a new belief system, and let go of the old one, without breaking you.

It works well with Walnut, which is the remedy for change.

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Depression series – Empaths and Anger or My depression is making me very angry.

Anger

Anger, while not actually a type of depression, can often be triggered by depression. This is an article on the type of anger that empaths tend to suffer from.

Empaths, particularly those who are on the spiritual path, tend to repress their anger.
This is extremely unhealthy.

There is this stream of thought that states that spiritual people do not get angry. I understand that in some religions and cultures that even thinking anything negative is forbidden.

There is a  perception that we should always be love, peace and joy and not allow such emotions to come up, otherwise how can we claim to be a good person, or a spiritual one?

While I can understand that we should try to avoid giving energy to negative thoughts, denying them is not the way to do it. In fact, all it does it make them fester and grow stronger.

Remember, what you resist, persists and what you look at, bring into the light and make your own will no longer have any power over you and disappear.

But anger is anger. Just denying it doesn’t make it go away. It needs to be dealt with, and you can’t do that by refusing to acknowledge it.

Repressing anger produces harmful negative effects.
We become angry at not allowing ourselves to be angry in the first place, and then we supress that, which in turn creates more anger. It’s a vicious cycle.

This can lead to several things.

A great amount of repressed anger.
A psychic pain around the third eye. By psychic, I mean it’s not physical pain, but a mental, sharp pain, like someone sticking an ethereal knife into that area.
Episodes where you suddenly feel that you want to take a weapon of some kind, and use it on anything that seems to be in your way.  Such thoughts such as, ‘kill ’em all’ might be typically going through your mind.
You are afraid to let go of your anger, because you fear the outcome of it.

Such repressed anger not only has a toxic effect, but it may lead to explosive events, such as road rage. It may be the quiet person who snaps and everyone says, I never would have suspected they would do something like that.

Anger is borne from fear and when we a lot of fear it may become malignant.

Expressing anger is healthy. Just don’t hold onto it once you have done so. Empaths tend to worry about the consequences of showing their anger. They believe they will drive others away, or enter into a confrontation they do not want.

While both may lead to such things, there are ways to express anger without being violent, or abusive, or demeaning about it.

Express how you feel and letting others know that this is something you need to do and let out is one method.

Many people are angry in the moment. However, once they have said their piece, they will let it go and forget about it the next moment. Their anger is in the moment and rarely lasts beyond that.

The problem with expressing your anger is that while it is healthy, those who you are expressing it to sometimes can’t let it go. Your words and your reactions will haunt them. Some will hang onto it and let it fester, becoming angry in their own turn.

This is why it’s vitally important to never get personal with someone. Once you start doing that, you will become lost in a cycle of incriminations and accusations that do no one any good and only end up hurting both parties in the end.

No one ever wins such arguments. Generally, all you end up doing is walking away, and stewing over it in your mind, thinking of the injustice of it all until the next time things explode.

If you are able to do so, there are things worth bearing in mind.

Take people in the moment.

We are not our pasts. Yes, they define who we are right now, but remember to take people in the moment. Don’t force them into a pattern they may not wish to be in any longer.  People can, and do change if they are working to do so.  However, do not confuse this with someone who you want to change, but is unwilling to shift. Such people will keep you in your own patterns, which is not healthy.

Do not get personal.

When you get personal, or attack someone on a personal level, you will have lost your case. Once you put someone on the defensive, they will defend and there it is unlikely they will hear what you are really trying to say, because they are too busy trying to prove their own case.

Many people have a strongly defined sense of right and wrong. They generally consider their actions to be ‘right’, which is always based on their belief system and how they view the world. Anyone who has a differing view is considered as ‘wrong’.

Interestingly enough, the other party will have the same type of model of their own world. They feel they are right and anyone who they don’t agree with is wrong.

However, right and wrong are strictly relative things, and in the greater reality, they don’t exist. What is right today may become wrong tomorrow, and what is right tomorrow may have been wrong today.  We, as individuals and as a society keep on changing right and wrong as we go along.

Really, though, there is no such thing. Right and wrong are quite individual. Right can be best described as something that takes you closer to who you wish to be and wrong as something that takes you further away.

As everyone has different goals, to try and fit everyone into one belief system just doesn’t work. Just because they do not agree with your views, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. It is simply another perspective.  The true gift is that you get to see another way you may not have considered. You might not agree with it, at least not at that point of time, but acknowledge it, accept it, bless it and let it go.

I could get more holistic here, but the point I’m trying to make is that our anger at someone generally tends to be a difference in belief systems. Most of the time, there is something going on that we aren’t aware of so it’s best not to make judgements unless you have all the facts; and those we don’t always get.

If we can express anger in a calm and healthy way, and explain to whoever we are talking to that this is what I am feeling, and while I don’t expect you to agree with it, I want you to at least hear me and understand, it can help a lot.

The other thing to make clear is that you’re not looking to be fixed. You’re not looking for solutions and you certainly don’t want to be told what you should do in order to resolve the situation. You just want to express yourself. If you want answers, you will ask for them.

Too many of us, especially empaths, are ‘fixer uppers’. We feel we have the answers, and in many cases we do… for ourselves.

If asked, we best just share our own experiences and perspectives, and say that this is what works for me. Try it if you wish.

We might be spiritual being, but we are having a human experience and with that comes all the emotions that us humans have. If you feel anger, express it in a healthy way. Do not repress it. In the long term, there will be health problems by doing so.

If you’re wondering how to not be angry or how to overcome your anger, I’ve personally found that shifting your perspectives and understanding others points of views goes a long way to helping.

Generally, if we don’t want to see another person’s point of view, it means we have a vested interest in denying it and that’s alright. What we may want for ourselves may not be what others want for us.

We may need to fight for what we desire and I believe that’s best done by convincing the other parties that it’s in their own interest to give us what we want.

Of course, this is not an inclusive list of how to deal with anger, or the reasons for anger.  They are simply my own observations and experiences.  I hope it helps.

Bach Flower Remedies:

Holly is the remedy for anger. Cherry Plum is the remedy for fear of letting go

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Depression series – Empaths and Trauma or why am I clinically depressed?

Shock and trauma

Check list:

Do you feel depressed without any cause?
Does even the slightest setback send you spinning into depression?
Do you ignore traumatic events and quash them so they don’t bother anyone?
You feel dead inside.

This is an insidious type of depression. It is certainly a clinical depression and sometimes it may be identified as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

This is one of the worst types of depressions because on the surface, there is nothing wrong. Your life might even be going extremely well, but still you feel down, depressed for no apparent reason, and worse, the slightest setback will send you spiralling into a deeper state of darkness and gloom.

Onlookers will not understand. In fact, they will just dismiss this as someone in a drama, or someone who is just depressing to be around.

This is the type of depression that will power cannot overcome. Sure, you might be able to shift your mood for a bit, but the moment something doesn’t go quite right, you will come plummeting down.

What is actually happening here is an accumulation of shock and / or trauma over a long period of time. When something traumatic happens, we should process it, get support and validation, and do what needs to be done to resolve it.

The type of shocks and traumas we are talking about might be an accident, a death, separation, loss of a job, illness, near death experience, abusive childhood, rape, incest, or any one of countless life events.

Even the process of being born can be traumatic.

So, over time, we accumulate a backlog of these unresolved issues that become toxic and affect us on an ongoing basis and the chances are that we are not even aware of it.

Talking about how you feel can help and if you are fortunate, you will find a friend or a confident who will listen. If you’re really fortunate, they will know how to help you.

However, what seems to be more likely is that people don’t want to know about it. They will tell you to ‘get over’ it,  give you a pep talk, or worse, make themselves the focus, and make your problems all about them.

If you try to bring it up again, their response might be: Yes, I know it already, while they will go on and on about their own issues, thus making you more inclined to no longer discuss what is going on. This will compound the problem as there will be no outlet to discuss those feelings. It is not their fault, though. They just don’t have the knowledge or the tools to help you.

It’s not surprising that we get angry and frustrated with this from time to time, and then decide to supress those emotions, making things even worse.

But most of the time, apart from feeling depressed, you will just feel cold and dead inside, as if all the joy has been sucked from you.

Empaths tend to put their own needs last and often at their expense.

The accumulation of shock and trauma, especially over a long period, will produce clinical depression. What’s worse is that you may feel it’s somehow your fault and that by being depressed, you are inconveniencing other people. You might also be tired of the same thing happening time and time again, and so start to withdraw from others because you no longer wish to inflict yourself on them.

This really is one of the more insidious types of depression because the cause is not obvious. Most don’t know they have uncleared trauma. Most won’t remember much of it, because they have repressed it.

I’ve not seen too much out there on this subject. I hear a lot of reports about people suffering from depression, but not the reasons why, let alone how to really cure it.

There is a cure for this type of depression. (As I believe there is a cure of all things) and I accidently stumbled upon it around 2002.

For years, on and off, I would experience clinical depression. It would be debilitating, and it was as if all the life force was being sucked out of me. Emotionally, it was extremely painful and I had no hope for myself.

On my birthday, I experienced a really bad episode (brought on by my partner of the time attacking me on something that was not in my control).

One of my life’s missions is to find cures for those conditions that are said to be incurable. I think I’ve tried a good many things, but the one thing I keep on returning to are the Bach Flower Remedies, which are a an effective, safe and gentle healing system.

To that point, even though I had not found any that helped me for my depression on a long term, I would keep on trying different remedies in the hope I would hit upon something I had missed. For this particular episode, I took Rescue Remedy ™ to try and obtain some relief.

I noticed that I felt slightly better. Not a lot, mind you, but it was enough to make me wonder why. As the Rescue Remedy contains five Bach Flower Remedies, I ran through the list in my mind, and found that the only possible one that could have made any difference was Star of Bethlehem, which is the remedy for clearing Shock and Trauma.

At that point, I had never used it on its own because I believed that being part of the Rescue Remedy, there was no need.

I took out the bottle from my kit and placed a couple of drops on my tongue. The relief was instant. It was as though an enormous weight had been lifted from me.

It was then I realized that uncleared shock and trauma had caused my clinical depression. The key was that you needed to take Star of Bethlehem by itself in order to gain full healing from it. When it was mixed with other remedies, its effectiveness was severely reduced.

Initially, I kept on taking it every time I felt my depression returning. First it was every few minutes, then it lengthened to hours and after three days, it was gone.

I am now mindful that if I do experience a traumatic event, to make sure I take some.

I have duplicated this result with other people. One case was a lady who e-mailed me a few days later, saying she was considering going on anti-depressants, but asked if I had any last minutes suggestions. I told her my experiences. She bought a bottle of Star of Bethlehem, and wrote to me that night, saying that she had never experienced such a profound relief. In the morning, she wondered how she would get through the day, and that evening, she was at peace with the world and happy to be alive.

While this is not the only cause for depression, it is a major one and well worth looking into if you are experiencing such symptoms.

Nearly everyone suffers from traumatic events in their life. From their birth to the present and they are rarely cleared.

Bach Flower Remedy: 
Star of Bethlehem.

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Depression series – Empaths and Anxiety or Everything is great! So why do I feel like it’s not?

Anxiety

Checklist.

Do you feel anxious without any reason?
Do you feel something terrible is about to happen?
Do you suffer from anxiety attacks?

Anxiety, though closely related to feelings of guilt, tends to be a different kind of depression.

It’s the feeling that something is wrong or the sense that something horrible it going to happen. It could be a feeling of impending doom, or problems which you are ignoring, but still are eating away at you beneath the surface.

Indeed, one of the causes of anxiety is us refusing to look at, or acknowledge something that we feel needs to be done. It might be as simple as cleaning your home while you’re choosing to chill out or perhaps that homework you’ve not done, in spite of the fact may be due the next day.

It could be that exam you’re going to take soon, or the job interview that you are about to have.  Maybe it’s that pretty girl you’re about to ask out, or that stunning fellow who you want to look your way. (To be sexist J )

One might also feel anxiety about their personal lives. Especially if they are insecure about their relationships, or feel they should be in a relationship but aren’t.

Both can cause enormous distress, as it’s often due to our self-image, and the belief that something is wrong with us, or we are doing something wrong.

Some of us are experts at avoiding looking at things that we don’t wish to do, but know we probably should. This is different to procrastinating, as with that, you are making a deliberate choice to put something off as opposed to something that should be done, but has not been. This produces a feeling of great unease which is disruptive to our normal harmony.

It could also be due to something we think we should be doing, but are not. This might be as simple as calling someone (such as a parent) or stopping what you are doing in order to placate someone else. This kind of anxiety borders on feelings of guilt.

Empaths also have the extra burden of picking up anxiety from others. You may well be picking up on the emotional distress of another, or even a sense of fear on a global scale.

Some psychic empaths will often pick up impending events some weeks before they happen. For instance, there are some who picked up 9/11 before it happened. They did not understand why they felt what they felt, only that they felt a sense of dying and incredible grief.

Such things are already out there, in the collective consciousness, well before they happen, the greater the probability of them occurring, the more the empath will feel such things.

Is it said that this type of anxiety is us sensing things from the astral levels (that is, that levels which are not the physical realm) but not being able to bring the information fully down, so we know what is going on.

Anxiety is frustrating to live with, and some live with it on a daily basis, never quite knowing the reason why. Many hide it well, but they just can’t seem to get over it.

Bach Flower Remedy: 
Aspen