Irrational behaviors
We all suffer from trauma in our lives.
It’s those traumas from our preteen years that can really mess with us as we get older.
Many habits, fears and neurosis may be created based on how you were treated when you were young.
The older I get, the more I realize how much my own childhood has shaped me into the person I am today.
I’m going to use myself as an example because many of my own irrational behaviors are based on the traumas in my early years.
What I realize is that, while you may not ever think of them, or even remember them, they are always there. And even if you do remember them, you might not always make the connection between the two events.
Personal Cleanliness
One issue that came to light recently for me is to do with my personal cleanliness. I’m obsessed with it. I make sure that there is no scent of any kind, good or undesirable, on me.
I always make sure I’m as clean as possible and I’ve been that way since my early teen years.
I’ve got a lot of flack for that over the years. Few can understand why I am obsessive about it. It caused issues when I was married, and friends have commented on it.
I’m also extremely sensitive to any smells on others. There is a fear associated with it.
But why? Is there a trauma associated with this?
One morning, I randomly remembered how my father would constantly yell at me and my mother that we smelled. The constant refrain of “You smell” felt like both a judgement and a threat to my preteen mind.
And while it did not shape my behavior immediately, it certainly planted deep seeds that grew to my obsession about cleanliness.
Warped my perceptions
It warped my perceptions to the point where I have no clue what is acceptable and what isn’t. Am I going to offend someone for being sweaty, wearing cologne or just the natural odors that happen from day to day life?
I honestly don’t know.
Even when people say they don’t care, my mind thinks: How could they not care?
The long-term effect is that I’m not comfortable in my own body and I fear others find it disgusting. Even though I know this is not true, emotionally grokking it is another thing.
Remembering the seeds that created the traumas helps, but there is always the warped world view on the subject as the natural context is missing.
Those words, you smell, makes me wonder if everyone has a problem with this issue. Maybe they are too polite to mention it, or they choose to just accept it from those they love.
My father was a sociopath
Deep trauma can really mess with your perceptions and fears.
I am pretty sure that everyone has experienced such traumas at some point. It doesn’t have to be through family, and it doesn’t have to be something personal. Death, accidents, being in the wrong place at the wrong time are all things that can seed long term issues.
Healing from such things requires a change in your personal belief system. That things are not how you thought them to be. The assumptions you develop based on what someone has told you might be wrong.
I know my father was a sociopath who was also traumatized from events in World War 2. It colored everything he ever did, and he passed on those fears to me.
Logically speaking, I know he was wrong. Emotionally, though, I need to work on it.
I share this experience so others might see themselves in me and hopefully gain some insight and understanding of their own behaviors and issues.
Bach Flower Remedies
From a Bach Flower Remedy point of view, the following remedies will most certainly help.
Star of Bethlehem – This heals trauma, past and present
Mimulus – For known fears, such as how people will perceive you.
Crab Apple – For feeling unclean.
