I get a lot of questions from people who say: I’ve just found out I’m an Empath. What do I do?
There are an abundance of resources and support groups for the Empath, but I thought we’d look at what would be helpful for any Empath to know when they discover they are one.
Personally, I had no clue how to write this, so as usual, when stuck for ideas, I asked my guides to assist.
Their responses are in italics
So, what are the first things any newly discovered Empath should do?
We’ll look at seven steps that may well help any new Empath. While they are not in any particular order, they will be presented as one leading to the other.
Acceptance
Trusting in yourself.
Research
Self-awareness
Practicing your abilities
Grounding
Creating
Today we’ll look at Acceptance and Trusting in yourself.
Yes
Step one:
Acceptance.
One of the main problems with finding out that you’re an Empath is the doubt one feels. The first question they generally have is: Am I really an Empath?
The answer, as a rule, is, yes, you are. This is certainly true for those who fit the traits of an Empath. However, to their mind, it seems like such a big thing that they can’t comprehend it.
It’s as though you suddenly discover you have psychic powers (and you do) but in your mindset, this is something that only occurs in movies and fantasy fiction.
Comprehending that you are actually an Empath is hard because the first thought that tends to go through one’s mind is: It’s only me. I’m no one special. There must be some mistake!
I’m sure not everyone thinks that way, though.
Some are born self-aware and some have that self-awareness drummed out of them by their parents, peers and the religion they are born into. Generally, if you tell your ‘non-psychic’ friends that you may have some abilities, they will be prone to dismiss this, most likely saying that you are just too oversensitive. This leads to invalidation and doubt.
There is a strange perception that someone else must know more than you do, even though they aren’t living your experiences. We let other people’s points of views and belief systems overwrite our own, and thus, we, ourselves, invalidate our belief systems.
So be aware of that. No one can really tell you what you feel and experience. You need to validate that for yourself.
You don’t need outside Validation
Which brings us to the second step:
Trusting in yourself.
The biggest stumbling block with any psychic ability is that there is no trust that it is real, or that what you are feeling is correct.
It cannot be repeated often enough that your feelings are your truth. If something feels right for you, then it is right for you. If it doesn’t, and your intuition feels like it’s in panic mode, then take notice of that.
You don’t need outside validation. No amount of that will help you anyway. You will always doubt in your heart. You have to listen and trust in what you feel.
Generally, it’s the period where people are happier and even the more hard-nosed of people tend to mellow out. Families gather, gifts are exchanged and we all eat way too much food.
Generally.
It’s also a time of great loneliness for many.
There are so many out there who feel lost and alone.
People who may have no one to be with during the holiday period. Perhaps they have no family. Maybe they don’t feel they have friends. Perhaps they are at the age where everyone has left and all they have are memories of how wonderful things used to be when they were younger.
Maybe things aren’t going well in their life due to work situations, health, money, fears about loved ones or they just don’t feel they fit in and everyone is having one big, joyous party but them.
Even if you’re not a Christian. Even if you’re not religious. That sense of being alone will be intensified during those few weeks.
As Empaths, we are particularly vulnerable to those energies.
As December started, I started to see more and more people comment that they felt something bad was happening and they were feeling down without any obvious reason.
I believe they are picking up on those many others who feel alone.
The holiday season is a very big time for depression and many Empaths can’t wait for it to be done with so things can get back to normal.
For those of you who feel this pain, just remember you are not alone. There are many others out there who feel the same way, and many others who endure what seems like a torturous few weeks.
Just know that there are many ways to connect and support each other such as Empath forums, blogs or chat rooms.
I also have a free ad-free chatroom for this specific purpose. It has been open for the past five or so years. You don’t even need to register to login. You can just type in a name and join as a guest.
This is one of my gifts and services to the Empath community, so if you feel like trying to connect to others, please feel free to visit and say hi.
The room ebbs and flows with the amount of people who are there, but there are certainly people there every day, depending on the time.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is a lot of support for those who seek it.
It requires Java to run (as do most chat of this kind.)
You can sign in as a guest by just typing a name into the User Name section or you can register a password protected name by using the ‘create new user account’ link underneath it.
Over the years, I’ve notice that people, in general, tend to react to me in various ways.
I seem to make many of them uneasy. Some instantly hate me (even if we never spoke) and some just seem to click with me. Not too many seem to be indifference to me.
Someone made a comment to me the other day that I don’t seem human at times.
It was an interesting comment that made me think.
Fact is: I’ve never felt ‘human’. By that, I mean, I’ve never felt I’ve fitted in. Even growing up, I couldn’t connect to others. I didn’t appear to have the same type of filters my peers and family did.
I didn’t have the same interest or awareness that other appeared to have. I spent most of the time in my mind and was often yelled at for being oblivious. (As though yelling was going to change that.)
As I grew older, I tried to fit in, but it just looked awkward and I felt there was always this invisible barrier between me and everyone else. I was always the odd person out and never invited to parties or to hang out with others.
When I did try to make the effort to mix, it just didn’t work.
I could put it down to my family life, which was traumatic, but lots of others had that, too, and they functioned with their peers just fine.
I made friends once I hit 16 years of age and seemed to be accepted more, however I still did not fit in. In fact, it got worse. I was labelled as weird, but at the same time, more and more people were drawn to me. Some of them were almost obsessed with me.
Throughout it all, I never felt like I belonged. I felt terribly alone, and was always on the lookout for soul family members. That is: people who were not my blood family, but connected to me.
I don’t know how, but I knew they were out there, but how I was to find them eluded me.
When it comes down to it, I don’t think I feel what being human would feel like. I don’t experience lust and addictions, (unless you count chocolate). I have no interest in clubs, pubs, drinking, drugs, gangs, groups, etc. I don’t even see death in the same way others do. Never have.
I did try. I would go to parties, joined my friends at nightclubs, tried discos (back in the 70s) and even went to a pub or two.
All were torture.
It’s hard for an Empath to describe what it’s like, but imagine yourself in a plastic bubble that is being buffeted by high winds from all direction. Add to that an inflatable hood that’s over your head, and the pressure is pumped up too high. So you feel blocked off but overwhelmed. You can’t really function and the best you can do is nod and smile when someone tries to talk to you.
That’s how it is for me. It’s doubly worse because I didn’t have any interest in being in those places in the first place, but thought I should try them. I thought, hey, maybe it will be fun. It wasn’t. All I wanted to do was get the hell out at the first opportunity.
I always wondered to myself, do people actually enjoy these things? Are they really having a good time? What draws them back night after night? I didn’t understand back then and I still don’t understand today.
I’m sure I’m not alone here. There are people who class themselves as Otherkin and some who believe they are Starseeds. And though I’ve never seen myself as those things, I certainly fit most of the signs they mention.
Being human is more than just being in a human body. At least, that’s what I feel.
How many reading this have felt the same way? Please feel free to comment.
Please share this with those who may find it useful.
A while ago, I came across an amazing blog called 30 Traits of an Empath which covered many more traits than I come across before. They were written in a very clear and succinct way.
I approached the author, a very humble person, to see if she or he (I can’t be sure on the gender) would give me permission to discuss them with my guides and post them here. I was told that I may.
The traits will be presented in their original form and if you wish to see the entire list, (and if you haven’t, I really recommend that you do) you can do so here.
As always my guide’s responses are in italics.
3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for Empaths. To some, they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept Empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from a great distance.
This is essentially what defines an Empath. We can generally sense how people feel about us, even if what they show and what they think are two very different things.
The further removed you are from the person or the situation, the less likely you are to pick up their feelings.
That means that the more something or someone affects you, the stronger you will feel it.
This can be especially apparent at work. I could always tell when things were being done behind my back. I would always get a great sense of anxiety on the way home and sure enough, the next day, I would have received a nasty e-mail from someone, or find out someone had been attacking me. In all cases, the attacks were unjustified and unwarranted, especially as these people had nothing to do with me in my day to day job, and my work was always done quickly and to a very high standard.
My guides did not take kindly to those attacks either. They eventually took action.
You have some very protective guides. As you said, they don’t take kindly to attacks on you that you did not initiate. You will also notice that even though these people did exactly what they accused you of doing, you were the only one targeted. Also note that you were the only one trying to help people (and at times save their lives) at work. It is an oddity that, in this world, helping others is actively resisted by many.
However, what we want to discuss here is why we sense what others feel.
So, why?
We are all connected because we are one soul. Even though it is split into infinite aspects, the same energy still flows through it.
Now, that does not mean you will sense everything all at once. That’s not possible, or even healthy, unless you are on a much higher vibrational level.
What it does mean, though, is that the more you resonate with something, the more you will feel it.
Look upon people as transmitters. You are the receiver, and they are the station generating their thoughts and their feelings.
The only things you will pick up on are those you are tuned into. Now, it’s possible to have a broad range of frequencies that you can pick up on, but even that would be considered small considering that the range is infinite.
The more relevant and important something is to you, the stronger you will pick up on it. If a loved one is having a hard day, chances are, you, as an empath, will sense this.
If they are having a rough day and it’s due to you, then you will certainly sense it very strongly.
If it’s an acquaintance, you can still pick up on their feelings, but generally only when you focus on it.
If someone is plotting behind your back, that information is important and relevant to you, so you will certainly feel something is going on.
In short, the further removed you are from the situation, the less likely you are to feel it.
But don’t some people feel everything all the time?
Not everything. They feel what they resonate with. If they resonate with fear, grief, trauma or anything that’s negative, they will most certainly pick up on all those things around them. Once again, it’s what you are attuned to. What frequency are you open to.
If someone has experienced danger and trauma in their past, they will always be open to such things because they will be trying to sense potential danger.
I will tell you this, though. The stronger the energy, the more likely people will pick up on it. Even non Empaths.
Great traumatic events, such as 9/11 was felt strongly around the world. Many psychics felt something horrible was going to happen weeks before it occurred. It was a major event.
The problem is, you can feel something is going to happen, but you can’t always work out what.
In the end, all you can do is send healing and positive energies to those feelings, and know they will help.
As an Empath, you are powerful. Enough Empaths sending positive energy and love to those they see as negative could heal this world and it wouldn’t take long.
A while ago, I came across an amazing blog called 30 Traits of an Empath which covered many more traits than I come across before. They were written in a very clear and succinct way.
I approached the author, a very humble person, to see if she or he (I can’t be sure on the gender) would give me permission to discuss them with my guides and post them here. I was told that I may.
The traits will be presented in their original form and if you wish to see the entire list, (and if you haven’t, I really recommend that you do) you can do so here.
As always my guide’s responses are in italics.
2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around, can fill the Empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.
Personally, I don’t mind shopping malls and supermarkets. I’ve not really been to a stadium. At least, not in the past 30 years.
I don’t like some crowded places, such as the city on new year’s eve.
I really detest parties and night clubs. That’s like hell on earth for me.
It very much depends on the type of energy that is around you. When people gather together en masse, it creates a strong field that the Empath can easily pick up on. If the energy resonates with the Empath, they will feel at home. If not, then they will try to exit the first chance they can do it politely.
Now if you’re a sensitive type of person, you will find that alcohol fueled parties might well be difficult to handle because alcohol often unleashes certain emotions that are often repressed.
If the Empath is already sensitive towards such things, they will find they are magnified.
I can’t say I noticed that, myself. I found it was more… I didn’t fit in and I also felt overwhelmed.
Yes, that is another thing worth understanding. Empaths will often feel like they don’t belong to such groups. These are the same people who can’t seem to connect socially. Yes, it’s true that they work fine one on one, but the bigger the crowd, the harder it becomes.
And why is that?
It’s due to actually not really belonging to certain groups. Some people are here to help, but that does not mean they are part of the people who they are helping. Now, let’s take you, personally.
You don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, enjoy parties, clubbing, demeaning people, gossip and sport like activities.
Those are all common interests that people share. You would rather go to a quiet place, have a coffee and a bite to eat and talk about spiritual topics, or something light-hearted.
While you might not find many people who you can connect to on those levels, you can certainly be sure that you are not the only one who feels that way. There are millions upon millions of others who can’t connect in this fashion. Yet, in spite of the numbers, they are sprinkled amongst the billions of people in this world. It is not unusual for someone to go through their entire life and never realize they have met someone else who feels the way they do. This may be especially due to other Empaths trying to fit in and pretend they have the interests that others have.
Add to that places that have a concentration of such people, you may not be able to function. Especially if it is filled with smoke, club music, noise, drugs and drunkenness. You will be overwhelmed with the very energies that you spend your time avoiding. You will not know what to do, let alone even function.
Many will dismiss you as a ‘party pooper’. Some will look at you and wonder what your problem is. It would be rare for anyone to realize that this is hell for the Empath, and the best thing they can do for them is to take them outside and away from the crowd.
That is also why other kinds of crowded places may not be a problem for the Empath. Malls, plaza’s, places of fun, movie theatres, etc, generally bring out the good energy in people. Some people love shopping. Others enjoy the entertainment.
Come Christmas time or a major holiday, there will be many who are pushed for time, stressed, short of money and feeling obliged to make a purchase. Their emotions will be running high, especially when they are with a family of tired and cranky children. That is when it’s wise to avoid such crowds.
I can’t help but wonder… do people really enjoy parties? What do they get out of it?
Being with others who they can connect to. Isn’t that enough? They may not even be happy or enjoy being there, but they are with others and they can try and forget about feeling lonely and alone, at least for a little while.
So, any advice on how to cope in crowds?
Remember, the key to controlling your empathy is being grounded. The key to being grounded is your self-confidence. If you are not feeling like you belong somewhere, you will certainly not enjoy the experience. You will feel like an intruder or an outsider.
Most Empaths who can’t tolerate crowds stay as long as they feel is politely possible, and then make their exit. They believe they will offend the host, or maybe the guest, so they hang around.
Sometimes it’s just wise to explain that you don’t function well in such situations, and you need to leave. If they don’t understand or accept this, then really, you’re better off without such people in your life. You will always feel alone, even in the most crowded place.
Yes, but remember, when you’re with friends, or with a partner, that’s not always an option. And that does not mean those people aren’t good for you in other circumstances.
That is so, however, remember they should allow for such things. If you explain you can’t cope, then that is just you being you. If they can’t tolerate that, then you are better off without them.
Remember, the more you are you, the more others will find you because you are what they are looking for.
As always, I will suggest a Bach Flower Remedy that helps.
Elm is the remedy for feeling overwhelmed, and that certainly can be useful when you’re hit with all those energy from a crowd.
