Category: Empath – Traits of

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Empaths and depression – Introduction

This is a repost of a recent depression series I wrote. It specifically written for empaths.

In these articles, there will be suggestions for what Bach Flower Remedies will help combat the type of depression being discussed.

Introduction

One of the main issues empaths face is depression. This is a really crippling emotional state to be in, and it can literally bring your life to a standstill.

It wasn’t too many years ago when those of us who suffered depression had to suffer in silence and just put up with it.

Often, we were told to:

Get over it.
Not to be silly.
It was all in our mind.
There was no reason to be depressed.
Stop being a wet blanket

…amongst other things.

Fact was, and is, as empaths, we are very, very susceptible to depression and it’s not our fault.

Now, that doesn’t mean we can’t do something about it, though and this is what this article will be about.

Being aware of the reasons why we feel a particular way can be very helpful. Often, I find that is half the battle. I also recommend using Bach Flower Remedies, which help restore the balance and can stop depression affecting us.

I wish there was just one cause for depression. I really do. It would make things so much easier. You could then just take the one remedy, pill, maybe meditate, or what have you, but the simple fact is that there are quite a few causes and we will explore them one by one.

For some type of depression, I have added a check-list at the start. That way, if you find you can relate to the points mentioned, you can read the section and see if it relates to you.

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I think you out to know I’m feeling very depressed – Marvin, the paranoid android.

Empaths and depression

While Marvin, from The Hitch Hiker’s guide to the galaxy was by no stretch of the imagination an empath, he certainly was depressed, though in my opinion, not paranoid.

Depression is a really big problem of empaths. It is massive. Unless you have suffered from depression, you can’t imagine just how soul destroying and debilitating it is.

I remember, many years ago, when I went to a doctor to try and cure my own depression, he explained to me that the type of people who were depressed were those who were caring, were concerned about others and tended to be, well, empathic. I don’t recall his exact words, but he was describing empaths.

He put me on anti-depressants, and I took myself off them 6 weeks later, as they were worse than the problem.

Empaths are very, very susceptible to depression. Their life can seem an unending hell, and each day they wake up and wish they weren’t still here.

Depression has many causes, and while it is very possible to heal them, it’s certainly not always easy.

Sometimes you have to go deep. Very, very deep.

Depression does not come out of nowhere. It has a basis, which normally goes back to either childhood, or a very traumatic event in your life that you never dealt with or came to terms with.

There’s a lot to say about depression, and what you can do to heal from it, and over the coming period, I plan to repost my experiences, views and what you can do to deal with it.

It must be pointed out, though, that curing depression may take some deep work. I mean, sometimes you will need to look at things that your mind has been slipping around, or you have blocked out because you can’t bear to think about it.

The single most useful tool I’ve found for curing depression are the Bach Flower Remedies, and anyone who knows me will know I talk about them a lot, and have dedicated a huge amount of space to them over the year. I know them inside out, and so any posts about depression will generally include what can help heal in those cases.

One thing to note about depressed empaths is that they are no fun to be around. I mean this for other people, who may not be empathic, but will sense, nonetheless, that a person is hurting, feeling miserable, and really wishes they were dead.

So they tend to be avoided. Possibly the worst thing you can do, though. Isolating the depressed Empath is actually counterproductive for them, and makes them feel even worse.

Validation and support go a very long way to healing.

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Happy Birthday!… or is it?

storms and birthday

Photo by Annie Spratt
It’s your birthday today. Your special day. People are wishing you a happy birthday and it just should be a feel good day… so why are you feeling so down and depressed?

Birthdays can often bring the sense of loneliness and being alone into sharp relief. Instead of feeling part of some group, or family, all it does it highlight just how separate and depressed you are.

This should be the day where you feel loved, are treated like royalty, and you pretty much do what you like.

Instead you just want to hide away and cope with your pain in the best way you know how.

Birthday depression is a big thing for the high level Empath.  The feeling of quiet desperation,  the desire to make the most of a day that will be over before they know, and the sense of loss as they realize it’s not going to happen can really make that special day one they’d rather avoid.  It throws into sharp relief what they feel they don’t have, and may never have.

Worse, it might also remind them how no one seems to care, especially when no one seems to remember.

And on the other end of the spectrum, often, family and friends will insist on big party plans, or having the birthday person do something they really don’t want to do. Instead of doing whatever they wish, they feel obliged to make everyone else happy and end up going through the motions, just so they can get it all over and done with.

Birthdays can be little fun for empaths and they may wake up feeling down, depressed and think to themselves, I hate my life.

So, what makes a good birthday?

The answer, of course, varies, and I can only talk from personal experience, and I know for me, it’s having the entire day to yourself. Doing exactly what you want to do, and having others support it. Perhaps going out for a quiet dinner, or watching a movie with loved ones.

Some love their parties, but not all do. Some Empaths hate them, and surprise parties are even worse.  They feel embarrassed and cringe inside, while they try to make the best of a situation that is embarrassing to them. This especially applies to those who tend to be very private people.

Celebrating the birthday of an empath (or anyone) doesn’t have to be all that tricky. Let them tell you what they want to do. Let them know it’s their day, and you’ll do what you can to accommodate them.

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Empath Friendly

Is the movie you’re going to see empath friendly?

By that, I mean will it be a movie that uplifts you or will it be one that thoroughly depresses you?

Don’t get me wrong, some people love being depressed, but for the high level empath who does not enjoy it, they should take care to avoid movies that are not pleasant to watch for empaths.

A few examples that come to mind of what I consider to be Empath Unfriendly movies are:

Mary and Max

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Another Year

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War Horse.

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Atonement.

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Why?

Well, Mary and Max, though quite a good story, is a story of loss, depression and living in a world they don’t understand, and doesn’t understand the characters.  For the Empath watching this movie, especially for the first time, they may come away feel quite down.

Another Year, which is a fringe type movie, is like a slice of real life. Apart from the central couple, who are very happy and together in their relationship, the people around them are either depressed, alcoholic or lonely. There is no happy resolution to the story, and for the Empath, there is no pay off.

Such a movie would too close to their real life, and the feelings they may feel from others (or how they feel themselves).

War Horse, in spite of the predictable happy ending, is mostly a story about war, and war is not a healthy thing to watch for the high level empath.

Atonement is a movie that can leave an Empath depressed for days. The events unfold in such a way that it might leave you frustrated, as once again, there is no happy resolution.

The common thread with all these movies is that they can cut too close to the bone. The story attunes the Empath to those energies which are already around them, and can make them more acutely aware of them, no matter how contrived the plot might be.

And what I mean by attunement is that you will start to resonate on a similar energy level as the problems and issues that are portrayed in the movies. If any of those things exist around you, you may well become much more sensitive to them.

This goes for plays, books, and even music.

If the Empath is feeling depressed, and many Empaths do suffer from depression, they should do some research and avoid the subject t matter.

It is said that you should not judge a book by its cover, however the Empath is one step ahead here. They can sense, with a little practice, what something is going to be like before they see it, even if they don’t know anything about it before hand.

Look for those things that will uplift and energize you. Avoid that which drains and depresses you.

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Are men empaths too? What about gay people?

I’ve seen this question asked, and I raised my eyebrows, thinking that I had never assigned gender, or sexual preference, etc, to if someone is an empath or not.

Fact is, empathy occurs in all walks of life. Men can be just as empathic as women, and straight people can be just as empathic as gay people.

I believe that while we are generally empathic by nature, the Empath is borne from having to be aware of the danger around them.

This generally starts at childhood, where there may be great trauma or danger around them. It might be child abuse, sexual abuse, incest, domestic violence, bullying, and all those things that make our childhood hell.

The child learns to become aware of warning signs, so they can try to avoid them. They will learn to sense the mood at home, even before they get there. They will learn to detect the energies of places and if they are safe or nurturing, even if they aren’t aware they are doing this.

Empaths appear to be a product of their environment, though that does not mean that there aren’t natural born empaths.

The problem is that those who are borne from childhood trauma are mostly unaware of what they have become. They do not realize they are extremely sensitive. They do not understand why others can’t see what they see, or feel what they feel. They do not realize that the depression and anxiety they feel is not how they should be feeling. They don’t get that others are not feeling the same way.

And if they eventually do come to that realization, they don’t understand it’s because they are an Empath.

Friends and families will tell them they are just too sensitive. Others will tell them to ‘get over it’, as though that advise is useful in any way.

Women are said to be more in tune with their feelings and abilities then men. For the most part, this is my observation, too, though there are certainly men who are just as sensitive.

Gender and sexual preference do not make an empath, though they possibly may enhance that ability.

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Thank God I’m not insane.

Every week or so, on average, I’ll get an e-mail from someone who has read my definition of what an Empath is.

The thing they say the most is that they’ve been an empath all their life, but never knew there was a name for it. 

A lot believed they were crazy, but once they did some research,. they found it explained what had been happening to them all their life. 

Some get very excited and want to know as much as they can, and others are just happy they have found an answer to their questions.

In general, though, there is a feeling of relief that they are not the only ones, and more importantly, there are others out there who understand what they are going through. 

I make it a point to answer every e-mail I receive, though it is the rare person who enters into any type of correspondence with me. 

Some feel weird that they are e-mailing a total stranger, while others feel guilty about taking up my time. 

It’s probably just as well that only around 1% keep in contact, as I don’t think they’d be enough hours in the day to keep up otherwise.