Category: HSP

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Empath Series: 30 Traits of an Empath by Just Be – Trait 2 – Crowds or party on, dude???

Massive crowds after the fireworks

A while ago, I came across an amazing blog called 30 Traits of an Empath which covered many more traits than I come across before. They were written in a very clear and succinct way.  

I approached the author, a very humble person, to see if she or he (I can’t be sure on the gender) would give me permission to discuss them with my guides and post them here. I was told that I may.

The traits will be presented in their original form and if you wish to see the entire list, (and if you haven’t, I really recommend that you do) you can do so here.

As always my guide’s responses are in italics.

2.     Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around, can fill the Empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.

 Personally, I don’t mind shopping malls and supermarkets. I’ve not really been to a stadium. At least, not in the past 30 years.

I don’t like some crowded places, such as the city on new year’s eve.

I really detest parties and night clubs. That’s like hell on earth for me.

It very much depends on the type of energy that is around you. When people gather together en masse, it creates a strong field that the Empath can easily pick up on. If the energy resonates with the Empath, they will feel at home. If not, then they will try to exit the first chance they can do it politely.

Now if you’re a sensitive type of person, you will find that alcohol fueled parties might well be  difficult to handle because alcohol often unleashes certain emotions that are often repressed.

If the Empath is already sensitive towards such things, they will find they are magnified.

I can’t say I noticed that, myself. I found it was more… I didn’t fit in and I also felt overwhelmed.

Yes, that is another thing worth understanding. Empaths will often feel like they don’t belong to such groups. These are the same people who can’t seem to connect socially. Yes, it’s true that they work fine one on one, but the bigger the crowd, the harder it becomes.

And why is that?

It’s due to actually not really belonging to certain groups. Some people are here to help, but that does not mean they are part of the people who they are helping. Now, let’s take you, personally.

You don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, enjoy parties, clubbing, demeaning people, gossip and sport like activities.

Those are all common interests that people share. You would rather go to a quiet place, have a coffee and a bite to eat and talk about spiritual topics, or something light-hearted.

While you might not find many people who you can connect to on those levels, you can certainly be sure that you are not the only one who feels that way. There are millions upon millions of others who can’t connect in this fashion. Yet, in spite of the numbers, they are sprinkled amongst the billions of people in this world. It is not unusual for someone to go through their entire life and never realize they have met someone else who feels the way they do. This may be especially due to other Empaths trying to fit in and pretend they have the interests that others have.

Add to that places that have a concentration of such people, you may not be able to function. Especially if it is filled with smoke, club music, noise, drugs and drunkenness. You will be overwhelmed with the very energies that you spend your time avoiding. You will not know what to do, let alone even function.

Many will dismiss you as a ‘party pooper’. Some will look at you and wonder what your problem is. It would be rare for anyone to realize that this is hell for the Empath, and the best thing they can do for them is to take them outside and away from the crowd.

That is also why other kinds of crowded places may not be a problem for the Empath. Malls, plaza’s, places of fun, movie theatres, etc, generally bring out the good energy in people. Some people love shopping. Others enjoy the entertainment.

Come Christmas time or a major holiday, there will be many who are pushed for time, stressed, short of money and feeling obliged to make a purchase.  Their emotions will be running high, especially when they are with a family of tired and cranky children. That is when it’s wise to avoid such crowds.

I can’t help but wonder… do people really enjoy parties? What do they get out of it?

Being with others who they can connect to. Isn’t that enough? They may not even be happy or enjoy being there, but they are with others and they can try and forget about feeling lonely and alone, at least for a little while.

So, any advice on how to cope in crowds?

Remember, the key to controlling your empathy is being grounded. The key to being grounded is your self-confidence. If you are not feeling like you belong somewhere, you will certainly not enjoy the experience. You will feel like an intruder or an outsider. 

Most Empaths who can’t tolerate crowds stay as long as they feel is politely possible, and then make their exit. They believe they will offend the host, or maybe the guest, so they hang around.

Sometimes it’s just wise to explain that you don’t function well in such situations, and you need to leave. If they don’t understand or accept this, then really, you’re better off without such people in your life. You will always feel alone, even in the most crowded place.

Yes, but remember, when you’re with friends, or with a partner, that’s not always an option. And that does not mean those people aren’t good for you in other circumstances.

That is so, however, remember they should allow for such things. If you explain you can’t cope, then that is just you being you. If they can’t tolerate that, then you are better off without them.

Remember, the more you are you, the more others will find you because you are what they are looking for.

As always, I will suggest a Bach Flower Remedy that helps.

Elm is the remedy for feeling overwhelmed, and that certainly can be useful when you’re hit with all those energy from a crowd.  

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Empath Guidebook – Now fully edited.

Empath cover version 1Just a quick note.

The Empath Guidebook (my free e-book) has been fully edited by the amazing Julianne Victoria.

My heartfelt thanks for doing what is a tedious and meticulous job.  I’m sure those who read the edit version will certainly thank you, too!

It’s rare to find someone so selflessly giving of their abilities and time.

I really do recommend visiting her sites (all listed below). There is a lot to this lady and she has a lot to share.

Through the Peacock’s Eyes, Insights for Spiritual Living

On the Streets of San Francisco, Photography

Facebook

Twitter

Haiku By Ku, A Poetic Pup’s Poem

Swami Zoe’s Yoga and Zen

Thank you for the gift you have given to the Empath Community.

This guidebook is ever evolving, so from time to time, there should be some major updates. Watch this space.

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Empath Series: 30 Traits of an Empath by Just Be – Trait 1 – Knowing or what is truth?

A while ago, I came across an amazing blog called 30 Traits of an Empath which covered many more traits than I come across before. They were written in a very clear and succinct way.  

I approached the author, a very humble person, to see if she or he (I can’t be sure on the gender) would give me permission to discuss them with my guides and post them here. I was told that I may.

The traits will be presented in their original form and if you wish to see the entire list, (and if you haven’t, I really recommend that you do) you can do so here.

As always my guide’s responses are in italics.

  1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.

I have to say, this is one of the biggest ones for Empaths. The Knowing is something that just happens. I discussed this a little a while back when I said that people have a window to fool an Empath, and then somehow, the Empath just knows if they are being lied to or not. You can’t fool them after that.

I’ve experienced this Knowing a lot. It’s a feeling that, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, you know the truth.

I’ve read about this kind of thing happening to people whose partner cheat on them. They suddenly just know.

Unfortunately, this is never enough to convince others. Your sense of truth rarely convinces another that you are right and other people are wrong.

This is one of the abilities that Empaths have. It works because they are able to connect to the collective consciousness that all are a part of.

Remember, there is really only one soul, and everything is an aspect of it. All that is, is already part of your being.

The illusion is that you are separate from everything else, and this is so we can experience ourselves in relation to those other parts.

But it is an illusion, and those who are Empathic will be connected, in spite of the illusion.

The closer to the situation someone is, the more attuned they may become, and the easier they will pick up on the truth of the matter.

That might explain why I feel anger when I sense something isn’t true.

That’s an anger borne of frustration as your sense of truth is being compromised. It should be noted, though, that there is a knowing, and there is a logic that people attempt to apply to truth.

By that I mean, you will know when someone is true. It will stand alone, as is. Those who try to get to the truth, using logic, will sense the truth of the logic, and thus assume that the outcome of that logic is the truth. It doesn’t follow that this is so, though.

I’m not quite following here.

You may sense the truth of what you are focusing on. It does not necessarily follow that the outcome of that truth is true.

For instance, you might say it rains during Summer. This is true. It does not follow, though, that it will rain. Logic dictates that rain is likely, so you will sense the truth behind that, however, there may be a drought, and no rain will come.

Sensing the truth of a statement of logic, and sensing the truth of an outcome are two different things.

Also remember, that things are always changing. What you sense today may not be what you sense tomorrow. New information may be sensed and you now have an updated version of the truth.

So, how do you know when you’ve reach the final truth?

You don’t really. You will just know what is true for you at that point of time. However, generally, you will sense that you need to sense, and that is what is important here. Truth is personal, and what may be true for you, may not be true for another.

Isn’t truth just truth? If something is true, then it’s has to be true across the board, right?

Some truths are. However,  as we create our own reality, others may not be. If I tell you it’s a hot day, and it’s only 20 degrees Celsius, you will not agree. To you, hot would be above 30 degrees Celsius. However, my truth is that I find 20 degrees hot.

Truth is individual because it’s relative.

Also, do not confuse truth with universal law.

So, if someone believes that the Earth is flat, that does not make it so.

Their perception is that it’s flat, and that is their truth based on the evidence presented and accepted. That is not what I’m talking about, though. Universal laws are those laws that work regardless of what you believe in. However, that’s really another topic.

So, in summary, Empaths have a Knowing because they are connected to their oneness and can pick up what is happening.

And the closer they are to the situation, the more attuned they may become.

From a Bach Flower Remedy point of view, I’ve found that Cerato, which is the remedy for intuition, to be very useful for clarifying truth and helping with intuition.  

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Empath Series: Death or Why? – Part 2

Loss

I’ve covered this subject before, but there are people, who from time to time, find this article and have told me they’ve found it useful.

I thought I’d post what I’ve previously written here for those who have not read it yet.

This is a channeled conversation with the answers indented in italics. 

This channel continues on directly from the previous entry.

This I know, though I’m working to keep this useful for empaths in general.

It is an example. For many, death is often a catalyst for growth and awareness. They move into things that they were unlikely to do before.

There is also a belief that we must feel sad for the departed, otherwise we are a bad or uncaring person. If we do not mourn, or do not go through a certain period of time of grieving, then we may feel guilt over it.

Guilt is often a reason why we hang onto grief. We ask ourselves: how much did we really love this person if we can just move on without any sense of loss or pain. How will others view us if we are seen to ‘not care’? How do we see ourselves if we find that we don’t wish to suffer for the loss of another?

Yet, make no mistake; the departed does not need you to grieve for them. Once they reach the light, they are in bliss, and more often than not, the concerns of this world are left behind.

That does not mean they are forgotten, and when you call on your loved ones, they will come and leave many messages in many ways that they are there. Some even will manifest themselves so they can show the ones left behind that they are just fine, and they will look just beautiful.

They are fine. They are more than fine. They are home.

To those who have lost one dear to them, I promise you that you will see them again. You will be reunited, and if you both so choose, you will live more lives together for as long as you desire.

It’s one thing to know this on an intellectual level, but how do you translate this to the emotional level? How do you bring comfort to those who have lost their loved ones? Saying that they aren’t really gone doesn’t seem to be all that useful.

As I said, it is natural to feel grief for the loss of someone dear. There is also a fear that your life may never be the same, and that you cannot cope without them. They may have been tremendous support, or loved you unconditionally, or they may have been the breadwinner.

Fear is one of those emotions that is intertwined with the sense of loss. Fear for the future, fear that they won’t be able to cope alone or be capable of carrying on looking after family or children.

Death is not about the ones who have passed over, but those who are left behind.

So, how does the empath cope with death?

The key is shifting your understanding and perspective of death. Do not look upon it as something that should not have happened. If it was not meant to occur, then it would not have occurred. This does not mean you suddenly dismiss the pain, nor do you suddenly decide that it is irrelevant. It simply means that you are seeing things in a more holistic manner.

Those who you truly love will never truly leave you. They are there. They are by your side when you call, and they are helping you. You may not always feel them, but they are there.

The shift in understanding and perspective is key to coping with the sense of loss.

Do not harbour feelings of guilt of another’s death.

Do not feel that your own life is ending because someone has departed.

Do not fear that you cannot cope. You will always have what you need to make it through, and indeed thrive.

Life is about the growth and experience of the soul, and such things can be powerful catalysts.

For my own comments, I’ve found that Bach Flower Remedies can be very comforting at a time like this.

For instance:

Star of Bethlehem   to help with the shock of a loved one’s death.

Sweet Chestnut to help move from a place where you can’t accept someone is gone.

Willow if you are feeling like a victim.

Pine if you carry any guilt.

Holly for the anger you may feel.

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Empath Series: Death or how it affects Empaths? – Part 1

English: A graveyard in Tokyo. The boards behi...

I’ve covered this subject before, but there are people, who from time to time, find this article and have told me they’ve found it useful.

I thought I’d post what I’ve previously written here for those who have not read it yet.

This is a channeled conversation with the answers indented in italics.

Tell me about the empath and death.

You mean how the empath views death and how they are affected by it?

Yes.

When we are talking about death, it should be made clear that death is a transition from one state to another. Death does not mean you cease to exist.

What makes death so traumatic is the perception and illusion that those you love ceases to exist. What is left behind is a shell that once was animated by a soul. The body is no longer animated with the essence of that life.

For the empath, this will be traumatic on several levels.

If they were close to the departed soul, they will feel their energies still mixed in with departed one(s), and the shifting and breaking of energies will be extremely traumatic.  This is the pain many loved ones feel when they are suddenly and often unexpectedly separated from their partner.

Also, they face a change in reality, which they are not prepared for. Their world is no longer balanced, nor is it making any sense. As much as they wish it to make sense, it won’t, at least not right away.

Another level is the guilt that they often experience when someone departs. Even though there is nothing they could have done, many empaths feel responsible for when someone dies. How could they have stopped it? Should they have seen warning signs or had a feeling that something bad was about to go down?

This is especially true when suicide is involved, or if someone had a fatal accident. The ‘what if’s’, and ‘why didn’t I?’, and ‘if only I had’ thoughts come up and torment the mind and soul.

Then there is the pain of other people. For an empath, this is just as devastating as they are not only coping with their own pain and grief, but also from those around them.

This is also true for those who did not know the deceased. Going to a funeral for an empath can be quite traumatic as they can be bombarded with many feelings of loss and sorrow.

The reason why death is so hard in our current society is because we have it all tossed around, and the perspectives and understanding are often incorrect.

Death, as many know, and many more begin to know, does not exist. Nor do things such as accidents or untimely deaths truly exist.

The soul is never in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is never unaware of what is occurring from its astral levels.

The biggest question people face is ‘why’? Why did they leave me? Why did this have to happen?

That’s a reasonable question. I’m sure many have asked that and seen no rhyme or reason in many deaths. I know I’m left scratching my head about one or two.

That is because you do not know what was intended on a soul level, nor how one’s passing will affect those left behind. There is a much bigger picture involved here. The very act of someone passing can spark events and changes that may not have happened otherwise or even prevent undesirable ones from occurring.

The people who are meant to be in your life, are in your life, and that is not by random chance. Whether they touch a life for a moment or a lifetime will depend on what is needed and agreed to.

Does that make the loss of a loved one any less painful? No, it doesn’t  It takes a very high level of connection and psychic awareness for one not to feel that loss, and indeed, see it as an opportunity.

If you look back on the deaths you have had in your life, you’ll see how vital they were to your own growth and your own path.

Next: Part 2 – The why.

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Bach Flower Remedies: Hornbeam or maybe I should put this off till tomorrow.

hornbeamIt’s another day. Another week. Yet another month.

You wake up. Everything feels the same as it did the day before. Nothing has changed.

How long does this go on?

I’m sure most people can relate to this.

Some call it Mondayitis. Others call it fatigue. I call it weariness.

It’s when you’ve done the same thing too many times already, and you can no longer stand it.

Everything is an effort. The day can’t end quickly enough, especially if you’re at work.

You tend to procrastinate, even putting off things that you do want to get done, but find it’s just too much effort.

Even getting up to face the day takes more effort than you want to expend.

Yet, if something changes, you find that you suddenly have energy, and the lethargy disappears.

You could liken it to listening to the same song over and over again. Sooner or later, no matter how much you love that song, you will get sick of it. If you hated it to begin with, then it will be even worse. If a new song is played, then interest is renewed. (Unless you happen to hate it, too!)

In Bach Flower Remedies terms, this is the Hornbeam state of being.

As Empaths, we seem to be particularly vulnerable to being weary. We take on too much. We expend our energy in order to get everything done, and we do it just about every day.

If you also believe in parallel timelines, where you keep on repeating your life in a Groundhog Day type scenario until you’re happy with the outcome, then you will most certainly feel the weariness as you repeat certain things over and over again (which you become aware of when you experience deja-vu, because that what that is. You have indeed done this before. You just don’t remember it.)

I suffer from weariness a lot. There are many times when I feel like I’m marking time, waiting for things to fall into place so I can progress to the next stage of my life.

Hornbeam makes an enormous difference.  Every time I take it, it gives me the energy to get things done and face the day with renewed vigour.

Of course, the real challenge with taking it is that you might not have to energy to find and use it.

This is also a useful remedy for people who make you feel weary.

I find that this remedy work well with Olive (exhaustion) and Oak (when you’re push past your limits.)