Category: Anger

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I’m having a bad day and I DON’T want to talk about it!

Sometimes things don’t go right. You know those days where everything seems to go wrong in clumps?

You might have had a rotten night’s sleep and the traffic was unusually bad on the way to work. Your car chooses that day to develop some problem. Your co-worker or staff rings in sick so you end up having to do their work and yours, but problems that never happened before (or since) occur when you’re at your busiest, stopping you from getting what you need to do done… and so on.

I’m sure most of us, if not all have those days.

And I’m sure that most of us are tired, grumpy and just over it by the time they get home.

All you want to do is just zone out, rest, or do something that will amuse you or make you happy.

However, there are people who want to talk to you, and that is the last thing you want to do right then. You tell them, I’m sorry, I’ve had a really crappy day and I’ll deal with this tomorrow.

Then they’ll say, do you want to talk about it? You tell them no, but they insist, saying it might help.

No, what will help is if you leave me alone, and give me time to rest and re-centre! And no, I don’t want to friggin’ talk about it today. I just want to let it go and move on!

People certainly mean well when they want to help, but unless someone has asked for that help, then it’s certainly best not to try and insist on giving it.

Probably the best thing to say to someone who’s had a bad day is: Understood. You know where I am if you need me. (End of communication.)

We are surprisingly resilient, and get over our bad days pretty fast. We know what we need to do and as long as we’re left alone to do it, we will be fine the next day.

Bad days happen and it’s all okay.

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Depression Series: – Exhaustion or I’m too tired to read this right now.

Many depressed people have more than just depression going on with them. They also suffer from exhaustion.

I’m not talking about the kind of gosh-I’ve-been-up-all-night-and-I-really-need-to-get-some-rest type of exhaustion, I’m taking about long term, utter weariness, where everything is a struggle and just getting up and facing a new day is a challenge that is almost insurmountable.

This weariness saps our strength, our internal fortitude, and our resolve to get a move on. Worse, it adds to the depression because it means when we have to deal with things, we don’t have the energy to do so.

Exhaustion is that will make you collapse on in on yourself.

It also triggers the self-recrimination, victim process, and you become very hard, and self-depreciating. You may well blame yourself for all the things you can’t do because you’re tired, and feel that you need to go to extremes in your behavior to change things.

All the while, you know, in the very back of your mind, that you’re in a victim / poor me cycle, and you’re hoping others will notice your extreme behavior and understand that you are pushed way past your limits, and probably can’t take much more before you implode.

This is a very, very serious state to be in, and rest and renewing energies are what is needed. Unfortunately, for some, even proper sleep is a luxury rather than something that just happens.

Those with sleep disorders will be quite prone to this type of depression.

Depression is a drain on the soul, and that leads to the exhaustion people feel.

Exhaustion leads to greater depression, which in turn causes even more drain on the soul.

You can see it’s a vicious circle and one that is very hard to break out of because many other emotions tend to kick in extreme, almost undefinable levels, such as guilt, terror, panic, and the feeling of being a victim.

We are so screwed up as a society that we would rather people repress their emotions and not bother anyone than seek to heal the causes that produce such things.

This has to change.

This will change.

Even if we do it one person at a time.

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Depression series – Empaths and Anger or My depression is making me very angry.

Anger

Anger, while not actually a type of depression, can often be triggered by depression. This is an article on the type of anger that empaths tend to suffer from.

Empaths, particularly those who are on the spiritual path, tend to repress their anger.
This is extremely unhealthy.

There is this stream of thought that states that spiritual people do not get angry. I understand that in some religions and cultures that even thinking anything negative is forbidden.

There is a  perception that we should always be love, peace and joy and not allow such emotions to come up, otherwise how can we claim to be a good person, or a spiritual one?

While I can understand that we should try to avoid giving energy to negative thoughts, denying them is not the way to do it. In fact, all it does it make them fester and grow stronger.

Remember, what you resist, persists and what you look at, bring into the light and make your own will no longer have any power over you and disappear.

But anger is anger. Just denying it doesn’t make it go away. It needs to be dealt with, and you can’t do that by refusing to acknowledge it.

Repressing anger produces harmful negative effects.
We become angry at not allowing ourselves to be angry in the first place, and then we supress that, which in turn creates more anger. It’s a vicious cycle.

This can lead to several things.

A great amount of repressed anger.
A psychic pain around the third eye. By psychic, I mean it’s not physical pain, but a mental, sharp pain, like someone sticking an ethereal knife into that area.
Episodes where you suddenly feel that you want to take a weapon of some kind, and use it on anything that seems to be in your way.  Such thoughts such as, ‘kill ’em all’ might be typically going through your mind.
You are afraid to let go of your anger, because you fear the outcome of it.

Such repressed anger not only has a toxic effect, but it may lead to explosive events, such as road rage. It may be the quiet person who snaps and everyone says, I never would have suspected they would do something like that.

Anger is borne from fear and when we a lot of fear it may become malignant.

Expressing anger is healthy. Just don’t hold onto it once you have done so. Empaths tend to worry about the consequences of showing their anger. They believe they will drive others away, or enter into a confrontation they do not want.

While both may lead to such things, there are ways to express anger without being violent, or abusive, or demeaning about it.

Express how you feel and letting others know that this is something you need to do and let out is one method.

Many people are angry in the moment. However, once they have said their piece, they will let it go and forget about it the next moment. Their anger is in the moment and rarely lasts beyond that.

The problem with expressing your anger is that while it is healthy, those who you are expressing it to sometimes can’t let it go. Your words and your reactions will haunt them. Some will hang onto it and let it fester, becoming angry in their own turn.

This is why it’s vitally important to never get personal with someone. Once you start doing that, you will become lost in a cycle of incriminations and accusations that do no one any good and only end up hurting both parties in the end.

No one ever wins such arguments. Generally, all you end up doing is walking away, and stewing over it in your mind, thinking of the injustice of it all until the next time things explode.

If you are able to do so, there are things worth bearing in mind.

Take people in the moment.

We are not our pasts. Yes, they define who we are right now, but remember to take people in the moment. Don’t force them into a pattern they may not wish to be in any longer.  People can, and do change if they are working to do so.  However, do not confuse this with someone who you want to change, but is unwilling to shift. Such people will keep you in your own patterns, which is not healthy.

Do not get personal.

When you get personal, or attack someone on a personal level, you will have lost your case. Once you put someone on the defensive, they will defend and there it is unlikely they will hear what you are really trying to say, because they are too busy trying to prove their own case.

Many people have a strongly defined sense of right and wrong. They generally consider their actions to be ‘right’, which is always based on their belief system and how they view the world. Anyone who has a differing view is considered as ‘wrong’.

Interestingly enough, the other party will have the same type of model of their own world. They feel they are right and anyone who they don’t agree with is wrong.

However, right and wrong are strictly relative things, and in the greater reality, they don’t exist. What is right today may become wrong tomorrow, and what is right tomorrow may have been wrong today.  We, as individuals and as a society keep on changing right and wrong as we go along.

Really, though, there is no such thing. Right and wrong are quite individual. Right can be best described as something that takes you closer to who you wish to be and wrong as something that takes you further away.

As everyone has different goals, to try and fit everyone into one belief system just doesn’t work. Just because they do not agree with your views, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. It is simply another perspective.  The true gift is that you get to see another way you may not have considered. You might not agree with it, at least not at that point of time, but acknowledge it, accept it, bless it and let it go.

I could get more holistic here, but the point I’m trying to make is that our anger at someone generally tends to be a difference in belief systems. Most of the time, there is something going on that we aren’t aware of so it’s best not to make judgements unless you have all the facts; and those we don’t always get.

If we can express anger in a calm and healthy way, and explain to whoever we are talking to that this is what I am feeling, and while I don’t expect you to agree with it, I want you to at least hear me and understand, it can help a lot.

The other thing to make clear is that you’re not looking to be fixed. You’re not looking for solutions and you certainly don’t want to be told what you should do in order to resolve the situation. You just want to express yourself. If you want answers, you will ask for them.

Too many of us, especially empaths, are ‘fixer uppers’. We feel we have the answers, and in many cases we do… for ourselves.

If asked, we best just share our own experiences and perspectives, and say that this is what works for me. Try it if you wish.

We might be spiritual being, but we are having a human experience and with that comes all the emotions that us humans have. If you feel anger, express it in a healthy way. Do not repress it. In the long term, there will be health problems by doing so.

If you’re wondering how to not be angry or how to overcome your anger, I’ve personally found that shifting your perspectives and understanding others points of views goes a long way to helping.

Generally, if we don’t want to see another person’s point of view, it means we have a vested interest in denying it and that’s alright. What we may want for ourselves may not be what others want for us.

We may need to fight for what we desire and I believe that’s best done by convincing the other parties that it’s in their own interest to give us what we want.

Of course, this is not an inclusive list of how to deal with anger, or the reasons for anger.  They are simply my own observations and experiences.  I hope it helps.

Bach Flower Remedies:

Holly is the remedy for anger. Cherry Plum is the remedy for fear of letting go