Category: Concern about others.

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Did you get my e-mail or why didn’t you write?

English: icon for mailing lists

As Empaths, we may often find that we are picking up on feelings that are not connected to us, but misinterpreting them as though they are.

A comment was made to me recently by someone who thought I didn’t like them, and curiously enough, I was thinking the same thing about them.

I’ve realized that many times, over the years, I’ve actually stressed over someone’s respond to my e-mails… or rather, their lack of response.

The problem then becomes, do you try and reach out or do you just let things drop, assuming that you’ve somehow offended them?

Fact is, e-mail (and to a lesser extent letters) are a really horrible way to create friendships, or even maintain them, because life gets in the way.

And by that I mean, we get busy, we forget, or put off responses or worse, miss them completely.

Have you ever thought you sent an e-mail, only to find it still sitting in your draft box months later?

Have you ever read an e-mail, and then totally forgotten to answer it because you had so much else going on?

Have you ever stopping e-mailing someone because they never responded to you last e-mail?

I’m pretty sure that many people have experienced just that.

Problem is that we cease contact because other people have not responded, but the other person might have done the same, simply because they think that you have not responded.

Or they got busy, or they simply forgot because their memory sucks. (Just like mine does.)

I can’t recall the 100s of people who have e-mailed me over the years who have just suddenly stopped doing so without any apparent reason.

Did they miss an e-mail? Did they feel they were bothering me? Did I maybe offend them? Did we misunderstand  or misread what was said? Is their reply still sitting in their draft box?

So many ifs, and we assume the worst.

And if too much time passes, you feel awkward about trying to reconnect or see if they are still interested.

Personally, I have a policy to always respond to all e-mails, comments and feedback, even if it’s just a quick Thank You.

If you don’t get a response from me, it means something has gone wrong.

What is important is some kind of acknowledgement, good or bad. At least you get a sense of what is going on.

No answer or reaction is often much worse than any, and generally, as an Empath, you tend to assume the worst.

I guess, the best thing you can do, if you want to see where someone is at is a quick: So, how’s it going? e-mail .

Of course, you might also find yourself stuck with someone who might end up driving you crazy!

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Empath Series: Psychic burnout or I’m too exhausted to think of anything witty to write here.

Psychic burnoutI took some well-earned vacation this month. (Hence the lack of blogs.)

As usual, I find that I tend to collapse into a heap, and while the body is willing, the spirit is not.

In this state, even thinking is an effort and answering questions is difficult. It’s even hard to read anything longer than a paragraph, and forget about writing anything.

I call this psychic burnout.

It occurs when you do too much, for too long, without a break.

Personally, I seem to arrive at it every eighteen months or so with generally fourteen or so months where I start to feel the exhaustion.

Psychic burn out is mostly borne of frustration that you feel like you are being used and depleted, and there is no end in sight, or even any recognition that you’ve moved a mountain or two.

People would certainly experience this type of thing in their day jobs, especially if they are good at it, but receive little or no recognition.

If you’re trying to be spiritual, you will tend to resist the urge to say or do anything about it, however, this leads to anger and frustration, and the sense that you are not allowed to let yourself go, and then frustration at the fact that you don’t allow yourself to get angry.

You may even feel like shouting at people who won’t leave you alone: What part of f*&# off don’t you understand? But still you don’t, in case you hurt or offend someone.

In Bach Flower Remedy terms, this is known as a Cherry Plum state: The fear of letting go.

The psychic burnout state is a horribly frustrating one to be in because it stops you from doing what you want.

It literally hurts to try and think about answers or subject that you have no clue about. (I liken it to a psychic knife in the third eye area.)

There are several reasons this occurs, the main one being that you’ve been running on empty for too long.

If you are an Empath, and you are often connecting to others to try and help them, reaching the burn out level happens too easily, especially if the flow only goes one way.

Generally, while the desire to help others is always there, there is only so much you can do.

I find the remedies that help her are:

  • Cherry Plum: Fear of letting go.
  • Olive: Exhaustion
  • Elm: Feeling overwhelmed.
  • Oak: Being pushed past your limits
  • Holly: Getting angry, and then repressing your answer and get annoyed every time someone tries to get you attention.
  • Impatiens: When you start to feel irritated with everything.
  • Red Chestnut: Concern about others.
  • Willow: If you feel hard done by.

Next: The type of calls for help that I get.

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Depression series: Melancholy or Why does my heart feel so bad?

It’s only one line, but Moby made it into a whole song and if you’re an Empath, you might well feel that sense of depression when you watch the video.

For me, when I first saw this back in the year 2000, it brought out the pain of loneliness and a melancholy so profound that it was irresistible as it was seductive.

At the time, death was calling to me, and I felt it, and at some level, I knew it. And while that is a subject for a future blog, at the time, I felt the sweet surrender of despair and while hope remained eternal, I knew things were coming to an end.

And they did in some ways.

Empaths, especially psychic ones, can sense the future. They can sense when something is going to happen. There are many stories of how psychics couldn’t shake the feeling of doom weeks before 9/11, and I wonder how many picked up the coming tragedy of the Boston Marathon Bombings.

This is a different kind of depression to the other kinds. Make no mistake, it’s as potent as any other type, but this one also has a sense of fatalism that can’t be avoided.

You know something is going to happen. You don’t understand what, but it’s there. And your heart, and your soul is heavy and hurting. Your eyes are on the verge of tears, but there is no apparent reason, and all you want to do is curl up in a corner, and hide away.

I know when I finally move on from this life, my biggest regret is leaving those who do love me.

I know they will be fine, but the sense of loss is always there. For the most part, that’s what holds me here in this current lfe.

When a coming event changes life, the Empath will feel it, and they will mourn its passing, even though it has yet to occur.  Change is never easy, but it’s made harder when it hasn’t even happened yet.

Melancholy is a horrible form of depression to experience. More people experience it than you would suspect.

If you experience it, keep a diary, and compare it to major events that happen later. You might be surprised at the results.

Bach Flower Remedies that can help with this are:

Sweet Chestnut – when change is foisted upon you.

Star of Bethlehem – for Shock and trauma.

Aspen – For vague fear and anxiety.

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I’m having a bad day and I DON’T want to talk about it!

Sometimes things don’t go right. You know those days where everything seems to go wrong in clumps?

You might have had a rotten night’s sleep and the traffic was unusually bad on the way to work. Your car chooses that day to develop some problem. Your co-worker or staff rings in sick so you end up having to do their work and yours, but problems that never happened before (or since) occur when you’re at your busiest, stopping you from getting what you need to do done… and so on.

I’m sure most of us, if not all have those days.

And I’m sure that most of us are tired, grumpy and just over it by the time they get home.

All you want to do is just zone out, rest, or do something that will amuse you or make you happy.

However, there are people who want to talk to you, and that is the last thing you want to do right then. You tell them, I’m sorry, I’ve had a really crappy day and I’ll deal with this tomorrow.

Then they’ll say, do you want to talk about it? You tell them no, but they insist, saying it might help.

No, what will help is if you leave me alone, and give me time to rest and re-centre! And no, I don’t want to friggin’ talk about it today. I just want to let it go and move on!

People certainly mean well when they want to help, but unless someone has asked for that help, then it’s certainly best not to try and insist on giving it.

Probably the best thing to say to someone who’s had a bad day is: Understood. You know where I am if you need me. (End of communication.)

We are surprisingly resilient, and get over our bad days pretty fast. We know what we need to do and as long as we’re left alone to do it, we will be fine the next day.

Bad days happen and it’s all okay.

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Depression series – Empaths and concern for others or Why didn’t you call?

Over-concern for others.

Check-list

  • You worry about others
  • You feel bad about when others try and fail.
  • We feel anxiety when others don’t come home when expected. 

Empaths often get depressed in regards to other people. 

It might be for the person who has gone to buy a special present for someone, only to have gotten it very wrong, due to lack of knowledge. You may feel bad for them because you feel all the effort they put into it has gone to waste.  You wish things had worked out for them with all that work, and it makes you feel, sad, bad and terribly depressed.

Perhaps you might be worried about a friend or a loved one in regards to how life is going for them, or if they are doing well or not.

If we fear something is wrong with them, we, ourselves, may feel anxious, and will not be able to rest until we are reassured that all is well. We tend to experience that awful sinking feeling of anxiety in the pit of our stomach until we hear some news that reassures us.

This is especially true for empaths with children who are out late or their partner has not returned at the normal time. We immediately imagine the worst and fear that something terrible has happened.

It’s hard to disassociate ourselves from the fear to check on your feelings, as we are too attached to the outcome, and that colours what we are feeling.

Intuition works well, but if it’s tainted by our fears, it can make us feel things which aren’t true. It’s hard to step back and be objective in these kind of situations as we tend to have too much of our own selves invested in our relationships.

For some empaths, they often don’t feel good unless others are feeling good. If they are having a rough time, we will put our own happiness on hold until they are doing better.

This is not healthy as it not only hurt you, but actually makes things worse for those you are concerned about. Not only do they have to deal with their own problems, but they also have to take you into account, putting pressure on them.

I know, from personal experience, that I can’t have a bad day without everyone around me going into melt down over it. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I just want to work through things, and not have to go into damage control because of it. Sometimes I just want to have a bad day and work through my feelings.

People have bad days. People need bad days. They need those times to let out their frustration. Or maybe they just aren’t feeling well. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, it’s important to give them space to be, and show that they are supported, without making it into something it isn’t.

Of course, being empaths, we can’t help but care.

I would suggest that the key to dealing with this is to understand that the other person does know exactly what they are doing on a soul level. Everything is as it should be; even those really crappy events that seem to crop up in one’s life. If you can know and accept this, and know it in your heart, then you can let go of the fear, and understand that they are living their life as needed.

Bach Flower Remedy: 

Red Chestnut.