Month: July 2013

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Should we charge for our services or does that devalue them? (part 1)

Example 1. Optical feedback

I started this off as a musing on if we should charge for our services, but found it became a little more personal as I explored options.

I offer it here to others who face the same dilemmas and welcome any thoughts and suggestions on this subject. 

People have strongly suggested that I should start charging for my time and maybe that’s what it will come down to in the end, because what I find is that most either seem to not value what I do, or they will feel that they can’t come back to me because they feel too embarrassed and awkward.

However, I find that this is a controversial subject because, on one hand, there are plenty of scammers out there who are quite happy to fleece people out of their hard-earned cash in exchange for generic information that could apply to anyone and on the other hand, if you do provide a service, some kind of exchange needs to take place.

I’ve been helping people since 1986 and so far, I’ve not charged for my services, help and advice I’ve provided, and normally, I will send people what they need at my own expense. (Generally, those will be Bach Flower Remedies. It’s a shame I don’t get commission for recommending and buying them!)

I find that, in spite of the thousands of bottles of remedies and rescue cream that I’ve sent out since 1995, there is something unsatisfying about it overall. In the end, it leaves you feeling flat.

Over the years, I’ve made the following observations.

Even though people ask for help, they will not actually use what I send them.

They will generally either:

  • Not take the remedies at all.
  • I never actually hear from them again, or get any feedback on if they actually helped or not.Ignore my advice on how they should be taken and only take them once or twice a day. (When in fact, they should be taken at least four times a day when starting out, and every few minutes when things are at a critical point.)

On the last point, I’ve actually had a couple of people tell me that they drank the entire bottle in one go when they reached a crisis point (and also claim it saved their lives!) It’s waste, though, as they are meant to last years.

I even had one person tell me, after I send the remedies, that she didn’t trust anything sent from people she did not know. She could have saved me fifty dollars if she had told me before hand.

When I do get feedback, however, it is mostly positive.

As I’m always learning about what to do, every success and every failure helps me for the next person.

For example, I’ve only recently discovered that the Bach Flower Remedy Mustard is excellent for dealing with negative energy attacks. Some people I’ve helped would have benefited from it if I had known that at the time. However, as it was not sent, they did not get the remedy they needed.

Now, there are a few who do follow my instructions and provide feedback, and generally, it is of a very positive nature. They also keep in contact from time to time, even if it’s just to say hello.

Those people tend to be the most renewing for me, as even their best wishes and friendship goes a long, long way.

I also get the odd person who will write me essay after essay and essentially give me their life’s story. Then they stop, only to return a few months later asking for more help (also in a very long e-mail.)

I find those tend to be the biggest drain on me.

I have come to the point where I feel I can no longer keep up this type of one way energy exchange.

So, I’ve got two options. Either I stop doing this altogether or I start to charge in some way.

Next: Looking at options.

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Empath series: More on psychic burnout or how many hats do I have here?

Image-1 (6)One of the things that contribute to psychic burn out are the requests for help that I get on a pretty regular basis.

For instance, I get frequent requests for help by e-mail.

I would say, they would come at the rate of around four to six a month, and while not very many in the overall scheme of things, each one does take a fair enough of time to deal with as I will answer all mail I get.

Some of them are just thank you for doing what you do, e-mails, and those are always wonderful to get.

However, most are people asking for help on some level.

The type of requests I get  generally fall into the below categories.

–          People who are in real trouble and need help now.

–          People who have genuine questions about experiences that have happened to them.

–          Those who want answers to somewhat frivolous questions

–          People who want answers to questions that can’t be answered.

–          Those who ask the same question over and over until they get the answer they are looking for.

Let’s look at them one at a time.

People who are in real trouble and need help now

This is something that can’t be ignored. Sometimes, it is a matter of life and death, and I can feel this, so I will respond as soon as I can.  Sometimes I can help the person in one reply, but more often than not, it can be a long term project until you help get their life turned around. Generally, though, it can be a very rewarding correspondence.

Contribution to psychic burn out: 1-2 out of 10

People who have genuine questions about experiences that have happened to them.

I get these ones the most. People have had experiences they can’t quite explain and are not sure what to do with them. Many of these are things like soul calls or what might be a psychic attack. I try to answer them best I can. 95% of these types of e-mails are one-offs, and I never hear from them again after I answer. As a rules, I often enjoy answering these types of questions.

Contribution to psychic burn out: 1-2 out of 10

Those who want answers to somewhat frivolous questions.

I get these occasionally and it’s generally someone who has some relationship issue that they want answered. As a rule, these e-mails tend to be very long, and (sometimes a little rambling) so it takes more time, and energy to get through it, and then work out what the question is, and what answer (if any) can be given. The relationships in question are about potential ones, and not ones that they are already in.

Personally, I find those types the hardest to answer as I don’t have clue what is going through the mind of the other party. Most of the time I don’t get any answers. Sometimes, I do, but that’s more the exception.

Contribution to psychic burn out:  6 out of 10

People who want answers to questions that can’t be answered.

I get this from time to time and I simply just don’t have answers, other than generic advice for someone. I’ve had some e-mails sit in my inbox for almost a year before I finally get something.

General rule is: If I don’t feel a flow in answering a question, then it’s a very bad idea to force it and I hate giving bullshit, generic answers, that anyone can give.

Clearly, I feel bad when I can’t give an answer because part of me feels that I should be able to, but on the other hand, I’m not the repository of information. Yes, I do get a lot of things that flow easily from me, but there are times when I feel a great resistance, and pursuing any answer will cause a massive drain on my energies.

In fact, trying to do something that doesn’t flow tends to be the biggest drain on psychic energies.

Contribution to psychic burn out: 8-9 out of 10

Those who ask the same question over and over until they get the answer they are looking for.

This type is the most frustrating. No matter how many times you give someone an answer, they will come back asking the same question in a different form. They will also ignore whatever you’ve just said, and also ignore any questions you’ve asked them.

The most frustrating thing with this type of person is that they are demanding, ungracious, and seem to think that you owe them something.

Generally, the answers they need to hear are not the answers they want to hear. In the end, the responsibility for knowing what is going on, or resolving their issues is their responsibility.

The problem with drain occurs when there is no equivalent energy exchange. You’ve put all you’ve got into helping this person, but you don’t receive anything in return.

Contribution to psychic burn out: 9-10 out of 10

Now, being altruistic, I would just love to help everyone all the time and fix up their lives for them, and answer all their questions, but I’ve found that it’s just not possible, at least, not without making myself very sick.

In the end, there is little choice but to shut down for a while and look after yourself.

Next: Should we charge for our services?

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Empath Series: Psychic burnout or I’m too exhausted to think of anything witty to write here.

Psychic burnoutI took some well-earned vacation this month. (Hence the lack of blogs.)

As usual, I find that I tend to collapse into a heap, and while the body is willing, the spirit is not.

In this state, even thinking is an effort and answering questions is difficult. It’s even hard to read anything longer than a paragraph, and forget about writing anything.

I call this psychic burnout.

It occurs when you do too much, for too long, without a break.

Personally, I seem to arrive at it every eighteen months or so with generally fourteen or so months where I start to feel the exhaustion.

Psychic burn out is mostly borne of frustration that you feel like you are being used and depleted, and there is no end in sight, or even any recognition that you’ve moved a mountain or two.

People would certainly experience this type of thing in their day jobs, especially if they are good at it, but receive little or no recognition.

If you’re trying to be spiritual, you will tend to resist the urge to say or do anything about it, however, this leads to anger and frustration, and the sense that you are not allowed to let yourself go, and then frustration at the fact that you don’t allow yourself to get angry.

You may even feel like shouting at people who won’t leave you alone: What part of f*&# off don’t you understand? But still you don’t, in case you hurt or offend someone.

In Bach Flower Remedy terms, this is known as a Cherry Plum state: The fear of letting go.

The psychic burnout state is a horribly frustrating one to be in because it stops you from doing what you want.

It literally hurts to try and think about answers or subject that you have no clue about. (I liken it to a psychic knife in the third eye area.)

There are several reasons this occurs, the main one being that you’ve been running on empty for too long.

If you are an Empath, and you are often connecting to others to try and help them, reaching the burn out level happens too easily, especially if the flow only goes one way.

Generally, while the desire to help others is always there, there is only so much you can do.

I find the remedies that help her are:

  • Cherry Plum: Fear of letting go.
  • Olive: Exhaustion
  • Elm: Feeling overwhelmed.
  • Oak: Being pushed past your limits
  • Holly: Getting angry, and then repressing your answer and get annoyed every time someone tries to get you attention.
  • Impatiens: When you start to feel irritated with everything.
  • Red Chestnut: Concern about others.
  • Willow: If you feel hard done by.

Next: The type of calls for help that I get.

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Empath Series – Bach flower remedy: Mimulus or some spiders just aren’t that cuddly.

MimulusIn the year 2001, I was taking a break from work. I got up to play a game on my computer, and as it was at night, I decided to not turn on the lights, so I wouldn’t disturb anyone.

As it was late, I was in my dressing gown and apart from the glow of the monitor, there was no other light source.

Sometime into the session, there was brief feather like sensation on my hand, and then it was gone. I thought nothing more of it.

About an hour later, I decided to take a bathroom break, and went upstairs.

I looked into the vanity mirror and saw, to my horror, that on my dressing gown shoulder was this huge Huntsman Spider.

Now, in Australia, these spiders grow very big. While they do have a nasty bite, and look frightening, they aren’t actually lethal.

This, however, did not stop me from giving a scream at the top of my lungs (which no one heard!) and ripping off my dressing gown, and throwing it on the floor.

Huntsman can be aggressive, and this one clearly decided it didn’t like me as , instead of scampering toward safety, it actually advanced towards me.

I’m not a fan of killing anything, and generally will let even flies live, but that night, it felt like it was me versus the large menacing spider, and one heavy object later, it was Me: 1. Huntsman: 0.

Now, as you may expect, this was quiet an unnerving experience and probably most people who don’t enjoy the company of spiders would hesitate to use the computer area again.

Fortunately for me, the Bach Flower Remedy: Mimulus, is the remedy for known fears. I immediately took some, and felt my fear settle, and it didn’t take me long to get over this incident. In fact, I was back at my computer the next morning without a second thought.

I have come across other Huntsman since that time. In fact in my previous house, on a very hot summer’s night, one bolted across the front door as I was opening it.

I just shrugged and went inside.

Mimulus is an amazing remedy for known fears.

If you have a fear of spiders, and let’s face it, so many do, you may find this remedy will not only help you cope, but shift your perspective on them.

It’s certainly worth trying for the arachnophobic type person.

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10 Spiritually Transmitted Diseases (reposted from The Huffington Post)

I don’t normally just repost articles, but right now, I’m on leave, and very slow with my writings, and I saw this one that I felt was well worth sharing from The Huffington Post.

Enjoy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mariana-caplan-phd/spiritual-living-10-spiri_b_609248.html

It is a jungle out there, and it is no less true about spiritual life than any other aspect of life. Do we really think that just because someone has been meditating for five years, or doing 10 years of yoga practice, that they will be any less neurotic than the next person? At best, perhaps they will be a little bit more aware of it. A little bit.

It is for this reason that I spent the last 15 years of my life researching and writing books on cultivating discernment on the spiritual path in all the gritty areas–power, sex, enlightenment, gurus, scandals, psychology, neurosis — as well as earnest, but just plain confused and unconscious, motivations on the path. My partner (author and teacher Marc Gafni) and I are developing a new series of books, courses and practices to bring further clarification to these issues.

Several years ago, I spent a summer living and working in South Africa. Upon my arrival I was instantly confronted by the visceral reality that I was in the country with the highest murder rate in the world, where rape was common and more than half the population was HIV-positive — men and women, gays and straights alike.

As I have come to know hundreds of spiritual teachers and thousands of spiritual practitioners through my work and travels, I have been struck by the way in which our spiritual views, perspectives and experiences become similarly “infected” by “conceptual contaminants” — comprising a confused and immature relationship to complex spiritual principles can seem as invisible and insidious as a sexually transmitted disease.

The following 10 categorizations are not intended to be definitive but are offered as a tool for becoming aware of some of the most common spiritually transmitted diseases.

1. Fast-Food Spirituality: Mix spirituality with a culture that celebrates speed, multitasking and instant gratification and the result is likely to be fast-food spirituality. Fast-food spirituality is a product of the common and understandable fantasy that relief from the suffering of our human condition can be quick and easy. One thing is clear, however: spiritual transformation cannot be had in a quick fix.

2. Faux Spirituality: Faux spirituality is the tendency to talk, dress and act as we imagine a spiritual person would. It is a kind of imitation spirituality that mimics spiritual realization in the way that leopard-skin fabric imitates the genuine skin of a leopard.

3. Confused Motivations: Although our desire to grow is genuine and pure, it often gets mixed with lesser motivations, including the wish to be loved, the desire to belong, the need to fill our internal emptiness, the belief that the spiritual path will remove our suffering and spiritual ambition, the wish to be special, to be better than, to be “the one.”

4. Identifying with Spiritual Experiences: In this disease, the ego identifies with our spiritual experience and takes it as its own, and we begin to believe that we are embodying insights that have arisen within us at certain times. In most cases, it does not last indefinitely, although it tends to endure for longer periods of time in those who believe themselves to be enlightened and/or who function as spiritual teachers.

5. The Spiritualized Ego: This disease occurs when the very structure of the egoic personality becomes deeply embedded with spiritual concepts and ideas. The result is an egoic structure that is “bullet-proof.” When the ego becomes spiritualized, we are invulnerable to help, new input, or constructive feedback. We become impenetrable human beings and are stunted in our spiritual growth, all in the name of spirituality.

6. Mass Production of Spiritual Teachers: There are a number of current trendy spiritual traditions that produce people who believe themselves to be at a level of spiritual enlightenment, or mastery, that is far beyond their actual level. This disease functions like a spiritual conveyor belt: put on this glow, get that insight, and — bam! — you’re enlightened and ready to enlighten others in similar fashion. The problem is not that such teachers instruct but that they represent themselves as having achieved spiritual mastery.

7. Spiritual Pride: Spiritual pride arises when the practitioner, through years of labored effort, has actually attained a certain level of wisdom and uses that attainment to justify shutting down to further experience. A feeling of “spiritual superiority” is another symptom of this spiritually transmitted disease. It manifests as a subtle feeling that “I am better, more wise and above others because I am spiritual.”

8. Group Mind: Also described as groupthink, cultic mentality or ashram disease, group mind is an insidious virus that contains many elements of traditional co-dependence. A spiritual group makes subtle and unconscious agreements regarding the correct ways to think, talk, dress, and act. Individuals and groups infected with “group mind” reject individuals, attitudes, and circumstances that do not conform to the often unwritten rules of the group.

9. The Chosen-People Complex: The chosen people complex is not limited to Jews. It is the belief that “Our group is more spiritually evolved, powerful, enlightened and, simply put, better than any other group.” There is an important distinction between the recognition that one has found the right path, teacher or community for themselves, and having found The One.

10. The Deadly Virus: “I Have Arrived”: This disease is so potent that it has the capacity to be terminal and deadly to our spiritual evolution. This is the belief that “I have arrived” at the final goal of the spiritual path. Our spiritual progress ends at the point where this belief becomes crystallized in our psyche, for the moment we begin to believe that we have reached the end of the path, further growth ceases.

“The essence of love is perception,” according to the teachings of Marc Gafni, “Therefore the essence of self love is self perception. You can only fall in love with someone you can see clearly–including yourself. To love is to have eyes to see. It is only when you see yourself clearly that you can begin to love yourself.”

It is in the spirit of Marc’s teaching that I believe that a critical part of learning discernment on the spiritual path is discovering the pervasive illnesses of ego and self-deception that are in all of us. That is when we need a sense of humor and the support of real spiritual friends. As we face our obstacles to spiritual growth, there are times when it is easy to fall into a sense of despair and self-diminishment and lose our confidence on the path. We must keep the faith, in ourselves and in others, in order to really make a difference in this world.

Adapted from Eyes Wide Open: Cultivating Discernment on the Spiritual Path (Sounds True)

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My occasional rants: Customer Service in Australia or stop bsing me.

Dick Smith_109For those who don’t know, I live in Australia. It’s been a wonderful place for me to live, though lately we’re going downhill with our standard of living. (Though we still have wonderful conditions.)

One of the things that drive me nuts here, though, is our standard of service.

As long as I can remember, if a sales person doesn’t know the answer, they will simply just bullshit you, and the standard answer is:  We don’t have it so it doesn’t exist.

I’ve had this phrase said to me on many, many occasions, only to walk into a different store and find exactly what I was looking for.

This drives me crazy. Poor product knowledge is inexcusable, especially in an economy that is going south, and a culture where people are buying online because they can’t get the service they need.

This frustrating experience was, once again, ignited when I decided I wanted to upgrade my webcam.

Right now, I’m toying with doing something on Youtube and I wanted something that was good quality.

My only deal breaker was that it had to be able to be mounted on a tripod.

Now, as you may know, webcams are designed to sit on top of your computer monitor and generally don’t have the screw thread hole built in as a rule.

So I walked into Dick Smith on Friday, which is our Australian geek store and they had the Logitech webcams on special for 40% off, which brought the price down to below what I could get them online.

I told the sales staff what I was after, and was told no webcam they knew of could be tripod mounted. So I left to do more research.

The next day, I drove up to a plaza I knew well (Werribee Plaza in Hoppers Crossing), I went into a camera store and was told that they weren’t aware of any tripod that fitted any webcam. That was excusable as they don’t sell webcams, but they also lost out on any sale.

I then went into two stores. JB Hi-fi, and the Dick Smith there and once again asked the same questions, only to be told what I was looking for didn’t exist.

webcamI decided to go ahead and buy one of the webcams anyway. It was a good price and I decided that if worst came to worse, I’d just make do. I bought a Logitech C920 (pictured) and figured I could just stick it to mini tripod with double sided tape or something.

When I opened up the package to look at it, I found that it had the thread hole for mounting. I was thrilled, but once again feeling frustrated with the lack of knowledge and bull that sales people have in this country.

So this is a call to all our Australian businesses.

Take a moment to find out if something you have can do what the client wants. Every time you don’t, you lose a sale and I will not be returning to your store. I would rather buy online, even if it cost me more. 

Don’t claim products can do things that they can’t. That’s actually illegal in this country.

Don’t ignore your customers when they are looking for service. Too many times I have searched in vain for someone to help me.

When you do serve them, act as though you are at least competent or interested in me. Stop trying to fob me off at the earliest opportunity.

Do not bullshit me. I am not stupid.I will find out the truth, and I will never return to your store..

The media has been rife with retailers complaining that they are losing business to the net, and there should be a tax on products under a thousand dollars.

I don’t care if it cost twice as much online. If your service sucks, then I will not be your customer.

Once you had the advantage that we were isolated  on a very large island, and there was no competition.

This is no longer the case. I now have options and I will use them.

Stop whining about being hard done by and start looking after your customers. If you don’t, then you simply won’t be around to do so eventually.

As for the webcam, I am very happy with it.