Month: March 2013

Posted on

Happy Birthday!… or is it?

storms and birthday

Photo by Annie Spratt
It’s your birthday today. Your special day. People are wishing you a happy birthday and it just should be a feel good day… so why are you feeling so down and depressed?

Birthdays can often bring the sense of loneliness and being alone into sharp relief. Instead of feeling part of some group, or family, all it does it highlight just how separate and depressed you are.

This should be the day where you feel loved, are treated like royalty, and you pretty much do what you like.

Instead you just want to hide away and cope with your pain in the best way you know how.

Birthday depression is a big thing for the high level Empath.  The feeling of quiet desperation,  the desire to make the most of a day that will be over before they know, and the sense of loss as they realize it’s not going to happen can really make that special day one they’d rather avoid.  It throws into sharp relief what they feel they don’t have, and may never have.

Worse, it might also remind them how no one seems to care, especially when no one seems to remember.

And on the other end of the spectrum, often, family and friends will insist on big party plans, or having the birthday person do something they really don’t want to do. Instead of doing whatever they wish, they feel obliged to make everyone else happy and end up going through the motions, just so they can get it all over and done with.

Birthdays can be little fun for empaths and they may wake up feeling down, depressed and think to themselves, I hate my life.

So, what makes a good birthday?

The answer, of course, varies, and I can only talk from personal experience, and I know for me, it’s having the entire day to yourself. Doing exactly what you want to do, and having others support it. Perhaps going out for a quiet dinner, or watching a movie with loved ones.

Some love their parties, but not all do. Some Empaths hate them, and surprise parties are even worse.  They feel embarrassed and cringe inside, while they try to make the best of a situation that is embarrassing to them. This especially applies to those who tend to be very private people.

Celebrating the birthday of an empath (or anyone) doesn’t have to be all that tricky. Let them tell you what they want to do. Let them know it’s their day, and you’ll do what you can to accommodate them.

Posted on

Empath Friendly

Is the movie you’re going to see empath friendly?

By that, I mean will it be a movie that uplifts you or will it be one that thoroughly depresses you?

Don’t get me wrong, some people love being depressed, but for the high level empath who does not enjoy it, they should take care to avoid movies that are not pleasant to watch for empaths.

A few examples that come to mind of what I consider to be Empath Unfriendly movies are:

Mary and Max

Image

Another Year

Image

War Horse.

Image

Atonement.

Image

Why?

Well, Mary and Max, though quite a good story, is a story of loss, depression and living in a world they don’t understand, and doesn’t understand the characters.  For the Empath watching this movie, especially for the first time, they may come away feel quite down.

Another Year, which is a fringe type movie, is like a slice of real life. Apart from the central couple, who are very happy and together in their relationship, the people around them are either depressed, alcoholic or lonely. There is no happy resolution to the story, and for the Empath, there is no pay off.

Such a movie would too close to their real life, and the feelings they may feel from others (or how they feel themselves).

War Horse, in spite of the predictable happy ending, is mostly a story about war, and war is not a healthy thing to watch for the high level empath.

Atonement is a movie that can leave an Empath depressed for days. The events unfold in such a way that it might leave you frustrated, as once again, there is no happy resolution.

The common thread with all these movies is that they can cut too close to the bone. The story attunes the Empath to those energies which are already around them, and can make them more acutely aware of them, no matter how contrived the plot might be.

And what I mean by attunement is that you will start to resonate on a similar energy level as the problems and issues that are portrayed in the movies. If any of those things exist around you, you may well become much more sensitive to them.

This goes for plays, books, and even music.

If the Empath is feeling depressed, and many Empaths do suffer from depression, they should do some research and avoid the subject t matter.

It is said that you should not judge a book by its cover, however the Empath is one step ahead here. They can sense, with a little practice, what something is going to be like before they see it, even if they don’t know anything about it before hand.

Look for those things that will uplift and energize you. Avoid that which drains and depresses you.

Posted on

Are men empaths too? What about gay people?

I’ve seen this question asked, and I raised my eyebrows, thinking that I had never assigned gender, or sexual preference, etc, to if someone is an empath or not.

Fact is, empathy occurs in all walks of life. Men can be just as empathic as women, and straight people can be just as empathic as gay people.

I believe that while we are generally empathic by nature, the Empath is borne from having to be aware of the danger around them.

This generally starts at childhood, where there may be great trauma or danger around them. It might be child abuse, sexual abuse, incest, domestic violence, bullying, and all those things that make our childhood hell.

The child learns to become aware of warning signs, so they can try to avoid them. They will learn to sense the mood at home, even before they get there. They will learn to detect the energies of places and if they are safe or nurturing, even if they aren’t aware they are doing this.

Empaths appear to be a product of their environment, though that does not mean that there aren’t natural born empaths.

The problem is that those who are borne from childhood trauma are mostly unaware of what they have become. They do not realize they are extremely sensitive. They do not understand why others can’t see what they see, or feel what they feel. They do not realize that the depression and anxiety they feel is not how they should be feeling. They don’t get that others are not feeling the same way.

And if they eventually do come to that realization, they don’t understand it’s because they are an Empath.

Friends and families will tell them they are just too sensitive. Others will tell them to ‘get over it’, as though that advise is useful in any way.

Women are said to be more in tune with their feelings and abilities then men. For the most part, this is my observation, too, though there are certainly men who are just as sensitive.

Gender and sexual preference do not make an empath, though they possibly may enhance that ability.

Posted on

Thank God I’m not insane.

Every week or so, on average, I’ll get an e-mail from someone who has read my definition of what an Empath is.

The thing they say the most is that they’ve been an empath all their life, but never knew there was a name for it. 

A lot believed they were crazy, but once they did some research,. they found it explained what had been happening to them all their life. 

Some get very excited and want to know as much as they can, and others are just happy they have found an answer to their questions.

In general, though, there is a feeling of relief that they are not the only ones, and more importantly, there are others out there who understand what they are going through. 

I make it a point to answer every e-mail I receive, though it is the rare person who enters into any type of correspondence with me. 

Some feel weird that they are e-mailing a total stranger, while others feel guilty about taking up my time. 

It’s probably just as well that only around 1% keep in contact, as I don’t think they’d be enough hours in the day to keep up otherwise. 

Posted on

What is an empath anyway?

What is an Empath 
 Drawing by Anneli Rufus

What is an Empath?

It’s been asked before and will be asked many times again. What is an Empath? 

In short, an Empath is someone who picks up on the emotions and / or feelings around them. It may be the feelings of someone they are close to, or general feelings in a room. Many Empaths will even feel when there is a very strong emotion around the world, such as fear.

I believe that we are all empaths at some level, but it seems the majority are low level so that they aren’t aware of any other feelings but their own. They might be considered the lucky ones.

The ones who are prone to problems are what I call High Level Empaths. They are the psychic sponges of the universe, absorbing the emotions and any psychic pollution that is around them. Most of the time, they don’t even know they are doing this, and do not understand that the feelings they feel are not always their own.

For instance, you may be feeling pretty good, then suddenly, for no apparent reason, you experience a drop in your mood.

This may be due to someone, maybe a friend or partner, dropping in their emotions and you are picking up on this.

This is a sympathetic attachment, and it’s not unusual for someone to feel when another is down or depressed. It may even be a complete stranger.

If they are anxious, the Empath might feel anxious. This goes for heartbreak, pain, guilt and any other emotion.

In any case, it’s not healthy for the Empath to be this way.

Ungrounded

The Empaths that are psychic sponges also have a tendency to be ungrounded. This means that they do not wish to be here in the ‘now’, so they try and leave the body. As this doesn’t work, they are stuck in a no man’s land, where they can’t escape, but also can’t be here. 

The key to being grounded is self-confidence. When you feel as though you are out of your element, or that you do not belong somewhere, the tendency is to leave.

This becomes a vicious cycle, as the more ungrounded you are, the more negativity you tend to pick up, and the less you wish to return to your body.

Grounded people are rarely swayed by another’s feelings, even if they do feel them. Because of their confidence, they have a strong sense of self.

Clinical Depression

Empaths often suffer greatly because they do not understand what is happening to them. They are not aware that their feelings are not their own.

They do not understand why they feel depressed, anxious, desponded or full of guilt, and rarely will they connect this to what someone else is feeling.

Because of this, many High Level Empaths might be prone to clinical depression.  

They may even feel the desire to take away the pain of another, though this is not wise as it rarely works out well for either party.

Many are driven by feelings of guilt. For example, they may feel bad if they are feeling good, while others around them might be having a bad time.

Because of this, they may attempt to match their moods in order to show solidarity and sympathy.

This ends up making things worse for both you and the one you are trying to console.

Being an empath doesn’t have to be bad, though. It can be a very powerful and potent tool for connecting with others and helping them to heal. It can also bring an incredible amount of joy if you are able to control it.

Posted on

Psychic empaths – Introduction

Empaths… whether or not you believe in them, they do exist, and they are out there. I’m not talking about your general person who can empathize with others, or those who say, yeah, tough break man (better them than me!), I’m talking about people who can pick up on the feelings of others and feel them so strongly that they believe they are their own.

Those are what I call high level empaths; someone who picks up on all the emotions and energies around them, and are overwhelmed to the point where they feel like they are drowning.

Right now, there’s not a lot of information that I’ve found out there on this subject, and there appears to be less on the psychic side of being an empath.

Many empaths are also psychic. More likely than not, their psychic abilities are enhanced by their empathy.

The purpose of this blog is to explore all sides of being an empath, and all sides of being psychic.